I've tried stepping away, taking deep breaths, calming myself before administering a response. But after a long enough and consistent period of testing my patience and pushing buttons I typically reach a point where I just let loose. And I HATE it. I always feel terrible afterward. It's what I experienced as a kid as well, and I'm disappointed in myself for becoming that person.
So I'm looking for any techniques other dads/parents have used that helped them take a step back from the edge and get control of the situation before blowing up.
Context – 5 and 7 yr olds. We try to limit technology and encourage creative playing, so much of the trouble comes from them wrecking the house and not cleaning up after themselves, and/or ignoring when the wife or I ask them to do something/anything. Poor focus like most kids, probably have a bit of ADHD like me. VERY strong willed, can't be bought or sold. They don't give a shit about punishments or threats.