Like lots of guys tell me this but I'm wondering why did I wasted my 20's by not dating? Sorry, I had insecurities, was shy, didn't felt ready, and had other things.
So, are these people wrong or am I just overthinking it?
Honestly, right now I feel more confident than I ever have been before I have lost weight, gotten a car, currently practicing how to drive, I am happy with myself, and going out more than I ever had in the past. So, I wasn't ready in my 20s but now in my 30's I feel more confident to start dating.
12 comments
Maybe they’re projecting
Imagine getting married before you’re ready and a college degree before you’re ready. Currently on my second attempt at both of those. You didn’t waste your 20s. Proceed to get exactly what you want as you are ready for it.
At least you didn’t waste time on dating in your 20’s 😂
Are you happy with the way you spent you 20s? If so, then you didn’t waste them! Fuck what they say, you’re the one who has to live with your choices not anyone else.
People don’t appreciate those that have found peace in living alternative styles to their own.
everyone has their own timeline, go at your own pace. everyone will judge you regardless but it’s your life.
i only started dating last year and I’m pushing 30 just like you and have the same feelings about it.
A lot of ppl don’t even work on themselves first and jump into the dating pool. it’s really bad. especially on apps.
This is coming from someone turning 37 next week. I dated plenty, and had a 12 year long relationship that I ended in my 30s. There is a couple aspects to why people say this, but I will try and highlight them in their own context.
The most important reason, is nobody *really* knows what they want in a relationship. You might have an idea of what qualities and traits you want in a partner; but until you’ve *actively* experienced them in the context of dating, those are **very** likely to change. The least happy couples I tend to see (both in real life and online) are people who got married young because they *”found their love”* and 8-9 years later realize they’ve completely changed.
From my own experience, I went from never planning on getting married, to being married to a woman I adore. And the reason we found each other is we both had LTRs prior to draw on experience from. We knew exactly what we needed and wanted in a partner. But you **only** know that through experience.
So because of this, a lot of people did their “experience dating” in their 20s and are now looking for a life partner in their 30s. The problem is… people are running out of time. They want to settle down and find someone, and dating someone who doesn’t really know what they want through experience is risky. They are less likely to want to take that chance because it is realistically, more likely to be a waste of time.
———–
The second and most common reason people say it, is because dating in your 20’s does tend to be the most fun. Don’t get me wrong, I was dating in my 30s and was still having a great time. But there is something about your mindset and view of the world that makes the 20s dating feel more alive, and more visceral. I largely think it’s due to you still discovering who you are, and the “eureka” moments you tend to experience during that stage in your own personal growth. There is a *big* reason why guys in their 30s-40s like dating girls in their 20s. They are, objectively, **way more fun** to date and hang out with. They still have that spark of fun that so many people lose.
As people grow older, some of the carefree spontaneous fun tends to fall off for a majority of the people. So it can be harder to find those relationships and live those experiences in your 30s.
————
All in all, I think the biggest loss is the experience. It makes going into your 30s and understanding the type of partner you want much easier. There is more communication, and more and more people are looking to be communicating early on about what their goals/expectations are for relationships. You might find it harder to actually connect with these people lacking that experience.
surely this gives you more time to do other things as dating can sap a lot of your time
There’s no right way of doing things. Do what’s most comfortable and natural for you. Although I would say you might struggle with the first few relationships you find yourself in because you haven’t had all those years to figure things out. Or you might not and be a natural. Just do you and keep enjoying your life
You do you girly! If you feel the most confident right now then try your hand at dating. A lot of people are immature in their early to mid twenties like myself and in my opinion, sometimes spend too much attention on dating the wrong men. I wish I would have spent more time and energy on my friends and learning about who I was instead of jumping from relationship to relationship. Is not until I took over a year off from dating in my now late twenties to find out who I was and found an amazing man.
In the end people will say what they want but they don’t know you. Now you’re ready and feel great about yourself. Go have a good time and find you a suitable partner.
It depends. As a man you’d generally want to wait with dating. The timing for women to date, get to know someone well enough to get a child together makes their timeline a lot quicker to consider. That is if a generic path suits you.
Those people were just wrong. You are in a great place now! Enjoy it! Don’t listen to “what everybody” says!