My husband and I are both working, and right now we’re living with my in-laws.
The thing is, whenever my husband goes out with his siblings (and me), he usually ends up being the one who spends the most. Most of the time, he’s the one covering the costs, and then he’ll split it 50/50 with his mom. For context, he has a sister (22) who’s already working and a younger brother (19). Honestly, it rarely happens that his sister spends or treats anyone, and it makes me feel like they’re a bit stingy since it’s always on my husband.
Another thing is groceries. The monthly groceries for the house are usually around 500, and my husband and his mom split it in half. So he pays about 250 every month just for that. I can’t help but feel like it’s a lot, and I worry sometimes that people are just relying too much on him. But for him, he doesn’t really mind because it’s his family and he’s willing to do anything for them.
From my perspective, I don’t want them to get too comfortable with the idea that my husband will always be the one paying. Sometimes I’ll ask him when he goes out, like “who paid for this?” or “are you splitting this with your mom again?” I don’t mean to be controlling, but I’m just concerned, especially because he often uses his credit card for these expenses.
Yesterday, he told me a story from when they were younger. His brother didn’t study much, and their mom told him that if he wanted money, he’d need to work hard for it. His brother replied, “It’s okay, my brother and sister can give me money if I don’t have any.” And apparently, his mom said, “One day they’ll get married, and of course their spouses will set limits. They won’t want their partner to spend so much on siblings.” Then his sister said, “Why would we marry someone like that? We would never let that happen.”
My husband told me this story to say that he doesn’t want me to become the type of spouse his mom mentioned, the one who limits him from helping his family.
So now I’m wondering… am I wrong for feeling this way? Or am I overreacting?