I’m stuck on just wanting the best for my baby who turn 3 months a couple days ago. We’re both first time parents, I’m 29 and he’s 39. We met in 2022 and knowing what I know now I should’ve left but here we are. We both bonded over wanting a family. He wanted it sooner than later due to his age. I had my doubts but I figured his biggest dream was being a father so maybe things would get better once we had a baby (I know, I’m mad at myself now). As soon as I gave birth, things were good. He was really good at being supportive and trying to help me as much as possible. I had some really bad ppd at the beginning where I felt I wasn’t good enough for this little family we created. Like they were all so perfect and I did not measure up. Problems with breastfeeding obviously made it worse. He did the best he could at the time and I kinda jumped to clean and cook to feel good enough. As the baby has grown now he does need more attention and to be entertained kind of so I’m not able to do as much elsewhere. Husband is back working but he does work from home so he said he would be in charge of cooking meals. The problem is that as time passes I literally don’t get a break. I’m with the baby 24/7 basically. Night feedings all day literally nonstop. I haven’t been feeling great physically, emotionally or mentally and I feel like he never gives me the benefit of the doubt. Everything I do gets questioned because I don’t do it the way he would. I’m literally trying to make it not so hard on him but it doesn’t feel like he’s doing the same with me. My back has been hurting and now my shoulder because the baby is getting heavy and he wants to still be held and walked at times. The baby sleeps a little longer the first stretch of the night but Ive been the one washing the dishes from all day at night time and the bottles so I have bottles for the night feeds so I’m not really getting more sleep. He just says he’s tired from work and pretty much any free time he has he spends playing video games which we have talked about as well and if he’s not playing he’s on his phone. I can’t question anything because then he throws everything on my face telling me I don’t do anything and he can’t do this anymore he’s done etc. I can’t say I’m tired because he’s also tired so I said but you didn’t give birth three months ago and he’s like yeah it was three months ago… I really want my baby to have both of us present but I don’t know how much longer I can be with him. I’ve suggested couples therapy and he says he doesn’t think it’ll help but either way I’m the one that has to find the therapist and make the appointments etc. I try to take so much on and have it be easier on him but he is not appreciative at all. I don’t feel loved or cared for and yes I’ve expressed all this to him. He just keeps saying I need to relax but how am I supposed to relax when I’m the one with the baby all the time. Even if I leave for a bit I get notifications on the phone about the baby crying all the time while he’s with him. So also why I don’t want to separate and have him be with the baby because I don’t know what that will even look like. He even has said I can leave if I want to and come visit the baby whenever I want like he won’t let me have the baby. He has more money than I do and I haven’t worked for a couple months due to maternity so I don’t even know what to do. Really all I want is to be appreciated that’s all.