Hi Reddit, I need some outside perspective.
I’ve been in a long-distance relationship for a year now. Our birthdays are a month apart. Mine came first when we had only been dating for 3 months. I didn’t expect a gift at all (he didn’t have money), I just wanted him to be the first to wish me happy birthday. He did exactly that—set an alarm for midnight, and I was honestly really happy with that.
Then his birthday came the following month. For a whole month before, he kept bringing up this one item he really wanted but couldn’t afford. I just listened because my financial situation has been rough (I’m the breadwinner of my family since my dad left us with debt, and money has been very tight).
On his birthday, I wished him happy birthday. His reaction felt kind of… disappointed. Two days later, he asked me directly, “So what are you going to give me for my birthday?” I was shocked and said I didn’t know. Then he sent me a link about a girl who bought her boyfriend an expensive gift and said, “She bought her boyfriend something expensive, but my girlfriend didn’t even get me something cheap.”
That really hurt. I reminded him that I didn’t get anything on my birthday either, and I never demanded anything. I could’ve compared him to my exes who gave me gifts without asking, but I never did, because I don’t care about that.
When I told him maybe he should just date someone richer, he got mad and said, “I don’t need material things.” But it feels like he does—otherwise, why bring it up and compare me to other girlfriends? Meanwhile, he still relies on his parents and even gets gifts from them, while I get nothing and carry all my family responsibilities.
Now I can’t shake the thought: is he just trying to use me financially in the long run? Because honestly, the item he wanted was actually quite expensive in my country’s currency.
TL;DR: My LDR boyfriend didn’t give me anything on my birthday (which was fine), but when his came around, he was disappointed I didn’t buy him a gift and compared me to girlfriends who spend big on their boyfriends. I’m struggling financially, while he still relies on his parents. Is this a red flag that he might try to use me?