Hello, I'm 26F and today I was stood up on a date by a guy who asked me out. Literally, he asked, picked the place, and the time…and yet, I was still stood up. I'll give a bit of background here for context and for the sake of the story we will call the guy, Timmy.
I actually met Timmy on Friday last week, when I was coming from work on the train. I was with my friend after we came from a bookstore stop called, "The Strand," because I couldn't ignore the urge to get a new book because that's what bookworms like myself do, with our overgrowing TBR–Anyway, back to the point..Timmy and I exchange instagrams that Friday because I was delighted to meet a guy that seemed to like books as much as I did. I was intrigued and our conversation on the train for just those floating minutes left an impression on me. Not good enough to be called a first impression but good enough to have a chat later which we ultimately did.
Following the Saturday, we began to proceed to chat and I liked talking with him. Timmy seemed nice and I was willing to get to know him better. As we were chatting over instagram, he was saying he wanted to see me again and asked me out for coffee, which we all know is date, and although I didn't like coffee, I said yes because I knew it wouldn't have been my only options at the cafe and we proceeded to talk through the rest of the day.
As the day was basically coming to an end and we were still messaging on instagram, while I was over the phone with my best friend while I was going through my closet for an outfit. But honestly, I was feeling a bit wary considering the last guy that tried to get to know me turned into my stalker and basically harassed me for a year and change…so I was feeling a bit nervous and was expressing that to my best friend, which he understood but he encouraged me to go and give it shot. I had picked out my outfit and was basically planning to get a goodnight's sleep for my date. However, Timmy was still texting and this was already past 12am, which kinda bothered me alongside something else he said in the message, which I know he meant has a joke but it gave me the yuck. He asked me if I was a writer as much as a reader and I told him yes. He replied, "A negro that can also read and write. Our ancestors are celebrating." which basically didn't sit right with me. I replied with, "I don't know what to say to that because I've never once thought my accentors to be uneducated." I found it odd, that a man, who was also a person of color who was taking me on date, was basically talking to me like that…it kind of puzzled me and the little impression of him that I had, which started to shift a bit because it was so distasteful…but the date was going to happen.
Today, a Sunday. We are meeting at a cafe he picked, alongside with the time he told me which was 11am EST. I got up at 7:30am and started getting ready, doing all the girly things one would do the day of. And left my home at 9:50am and texted him letting him know I did and didn't hear back. I got to the agreed spot at 10:23am, texting him that I had arrived and didn't hear back. He didn't even read my message before which I found odd but since our agreed time didn't pass, I went into a cafe named, "Joy," and took a seat after asking for a glass of water. I waited for about a few moments before checking my phone again, it was already 10:42am and he still wasn't here nor read my messages. And at this point, my expectations got lower and I already could feel disappointment settling in like a bad curse. When our agreed time came around, he was late and wasn't here. I mentally noted that the first REAL impression was a fail and I was only giving 10 mins as a grace period. When the grace period had finally passed, I was set on leaving and that's when I finally heard back from him with his reply reading, "I'm sorry, I came in late last night and overslept."
…Timmy had overslept…I understand that things happen but something as basic as setting an alarm to wake up for a date he asked me on…well, had set any interest I had for him out the window because he hadn't done that. Which made the time I had spent, standing in front of a mirror wondering how to do my hair, if I should do light make-up, and if the purse I felt didn't go with the look and swapped it out 3 times!!!… Just made me feel, forgotten and that my time had been wasted. I replied with, "It's fine, maybe another time." which he replied with, "Damn, I understand that." That's when I realized, I really wasted my time. I left the cafe and proceeded to unfollow him and also have him unfollow me as well restricted him. Because I felt my effort on a date HE asked me on, picked the place for and the time, was met with half-assed-ness and the mannerism of child picking up a flower in his backyard and giving it to the girl across the street just to forget about her moments later…The amount of debating, positive affirmation from my friends, and the level of comfort I had to force into myself, after what I'd been through, was all a waste. It was almost like a slap to the face because it was the first date I'd been on since the stalker problem. And imagine, if my expectations of men was already low because of what I'd been through. Imagine what I'm thinking now combined with it?
I was met with low effort. Very low effort. Talked a big game of wanting to see me again, made this plan to meet only to but slept through it? The intention, action, and words weren't matching.
As of right now, I'm home and he has texted me on instagram again but I haven't opened it to see what it said. I've lost any trust and respect in the words that he could say right now because I find it absolutely crazy, that I was doing everything that he was suppose to be doing as the person who asked me out. It almost felt like I WAS THE ONE THAT ASKED HIM OUT. Personally, I don't feel there will be a next time. And after what I've been through, I've learned to listen to first impressions matters and I shouldn't ignore them. And what I learned from his first impression; he doesn't follow through on plans or most likely forget about them. He's a low effort and probably is a bit irresponsible. And I'm pretty sure, every book he's picked up to read…he has never finished…
I'm not even saying all that to be mean nor rude…but if you do not respect people's time that you asked for, that's the first impression of disrespect in my eyes. Especially, as a man who took the lead to organize the date and not being the one to show up. It may have not been intentional disrespect but it was still disrespect. And there is a level of trust, respect, and chance he lost there.
I mean, am I wrong? AITA for not giving him a chance after he stood me up today? Am I being strict about what happened?