Hi, I'm desperately in need of advice because I've never experienced something like this before.
For context: 1.5 year ago I (M36) ended my long term relationship of 15 years. In the end we were only having sex once every few months, it sucked and I vowed to never be in a similar situation again when or if I get a new partner. The past year I've had a few sexual encounters, one short situationship with a slightly older women (F44) and a fling that lasted a month. In both of these the sex was fine, the girl in the fling (F32) could even achieve orgasm from penetration when we had sex, which I loved.
Fast forward to a few weeks ago: I met a woman (F39) and we clicked instantly. It was crazy how much we had in common, not only interests and worldviews but just being with her feels natural and effortless. We had a magical first date where we couldn't stop talking and at the end we kissed. The weeks following this date I met her at her house a few times where we just laid on the couch to cuddle and talk. Hugging her feels amazing.
Last week we were intimate for the first time and it was not what I expected. I find this women extremely attractive but I just couldn't keep my erection. I got her off with my hands and mouth (I love doing that) but had to lay and talk a bit before I could try again. In the end we both managed to finish twice but the anxiety got into my head. She told me afterward she's into all kinds of stuff that I only heard about, because she explored her sexuality after her breakup years ago. She has way more experience than me.
Yesterday we were intimate again. At first all was well, I was hard but while we were doing it missionary I noticed that her reactions were a bit subdued, I lost my erection again and had to wait a bit. After a while I was able to finish.
We talked about it and she was wonderful about it. I told her it was probably some nerves and the more we would be intimate the less the anxiety would become. That is until I asked her about my size.
She admitted she was used to much bigger and when doing it missionary she didn't feel a lot, especially if she's very aroused. I'm average sized but this hit me in a way I didn't expect. It makes me feel inadequate and doesn't help my anxiety at all. She did say she loves foreplay and that she could count on one hand the times she came from someone going down on her.
I would love advice from people that have had a similar situation. I really want it to work with her, on all fronts.