What is the difference between an average, good and amazing lover?
August 24, 2025
I'm curious to hear a womans perspective on what differentiates an average, good and amazing lover?
16 comments
The experience we have together and how we interact. Compatibility, both sexual and otherwise. Communication. Desire. Empathy.
Sex is a mutual experience. If we aren’t both communicating well and enjoying ourselves and each other, then it won’t be worth it to me to bother.
Actually listening to your partner and vice versa. If they don’t want to try something, respect that and don’t nag until they give in.
An average/ iffy/ bad lover is selfish. Once he is done sex done for them. A good lover will try in their own way to please you. An amazing lover will try your way and yours to please you. It’s the all their focus is on you because they know all your focus is on them. A good lover might be excited to be there with you. An amazing lover will look at you with fire in their eyes and tease you, undress you and give hints of everything they will do to you once they have you alone. A good lover will try reading your body language. An amazing lover will try reading your body language and actually communicate with you to make sure it feels as amazing for you as it does for them.
Amazing- he takes control, has a “I can’t finish until you do” energy. Which… good luck Big Dawg, I’m on an ✨anti-depressant✨ the type of kissing where we could just do that and we’d be moaning. good- it’s big and he’ll just let me do what I gotta do without. Average- he’s for some reason still in my bed, and it’s there and wouldn’t it be a nice send off if I just scooted on it?
It’s very subjective; I can only speak to what makes someone a great lover for *me*. But some of the qualities and behaviors involved in that would be:
* Understands basic sexual anatomy enough to know that clitoral stimulation is the main way people with vulvas feel pleasure/reach orgasm, so it should be a significant focus of whatever we do, unless we discuss otherwise
* Good pacing, doesn’t just rush into things
* Good at setting their partner at ease/making them feel comfortable and relaxed, which includes being good at giving compliments/words of affirmation/reassurance
* Good/kind communicator, able to both give and receive sexual technique feedback calmly as needed
* Kinky (dominant-leaning in my case, because I’m submissive-leaning) and consent-conscious
* Understands that sex ≠ penetration
* Confident, calm, not likely to be thrown off if anything goes minorly wrong (somebody drops the lube bottle, momentary boner issues, whatever)
* Vocally enthusiastic about my body and the sex we’re having
* 1000% chill about the usage of sex toys, lube, and condoms
* Understands the importance of aftercare, cuddling, etc.
Average – dependable, but distant, sometimes feel working alone in the relationship.
Good – loving, supportive, within the expected role.
Amazing – a partner who makes me feel alive, cherished and chosen every day.
The main factor for me is trust. I should be in the right mindspace to be able to relax and concentrate on my physical sensations. And how well I am able to do that or if at all, depends on how much I trust the person I am with. I should trust them to respect me and my boundaries, to care about my safety, to make effort to pleasure me. If I have to do mental math about if it’s worth it to give feedback or instructions or to correct their actions or would it make them feel bad, if I have to perform a dance around their sense of masculinity at the cost of my own joy and comfort, it’s bad and I’d just stop it there and then.
If trust is there, I think average to good to amazing has a lot to do with communication, connection and technique. And chemical, anatomical compatibility.
Mutual levels of interest, chemistry, attraction. Being on the same page with emotions/desires/wants/needs like you can’t really have one partner who only wants a ONS and the other is looking for LTR. This is often a problem early when meeting a new potential partner is working through those issues. So with all that said someone who makes an amazing lover is someone who communicates with you both verbally and through touch/body language that you matter and it’s not just all about their needs. To me something that is crucial is eye contact if you have a partner who doesn’t enjoy looking into your eyes and/or looking for your reaction that is usually not a good sign for me
Bad sex: Incompatibility
Good sex: Emotional/physical compatibility, long-term relationship, predictable
Amazing sex: Kink sex
Average= rock and roll; Good = funk; Amazing = jazz.
Average is someone who isn’t seducing _before even getting to your body_. Every woman is different, naturally, but foreplay _starts_ in the mind. Average isn’t bad. It’s just not layered.
Good is someone who cares enough to try to get you there, knows that _building_ layers of excitement is a twisting, turning road. You can’t just go 0 to 60, bang, back down to 0. They focus on more than just that one area, they act like tourists, taking it all in, rather than a racecar driver barreling toward the finish line. And they _want_ you to truly reach the destination, not simply make the noises. Good is someone who wants you both to win.
Amazing is the one who knows to, um, use an upward motion, to know when to be gentle and when not to be, the one who LISTENS to what you are uttering, especially if unintelligible, and to throw out the damn map, go off-roading, overwhelm you with their physical craving of you, wanting no spot on your body untouched (unless you’ve expressed no to certain things in advance).
Extra credit for the ones who don’t ever take the same route twice, or develop several patterns, and switch things up. Think about some of the music that you listen to. How many times do you ask yourself who that drummer is? Most of the time, you don’t. They’re keeping the beat, doing it well, everyone likes the song. Then you get your Jack Whites, your Dave Grohls, your Lenny Kravitzes. I’ll give you inspiration: Go listen to the drum breakdown in No One Knows by QotSA (01:10-01:35, if you’re watching the video). I’m not saying you have to like the song, I’m saying appreciate what happens there and the intensity and the full commitment of self to that power. I hope that says enough.
Ngl, my groggy self thought you were describing 🍆 sizes HAHA
As you depicted, it is a spectrum.. depends on what you want to settle with.
A lot of it its on me, how attracted I am to him, how free I feel with him, how confident he makes me feel
Amazing lovers are rare because most people don’t realize good sex starts way before the bedroom. Emotional connection, trust, and communication make all the difference
16 comments
The experience we have together and how we interact. Compatibility, both sexual and otherwise. Communication. Desire. Empathy.
Sex is a mutual experience. If we aren’t both communicating well and enjoying ourselves and each other, then it won’t be worth it to me to bother.
Actually listening to your partner and vice versa. If they don’t want to try something, respect that and don’t nag until they give in.
An average/ iffy/ bad lover is selfish. Once he is done sex done for them. A good lover will try in their own way to please you. An amazing lover will try your way and yours to please you. It’s the all their focus is on you because they know all your focus is on them. A good lover might be excited to be there with you. An amazing lover will look at you with fire in their eyes and tease you, undress you and give hints of everything they will do to you once they have you alone. A good lover will try reading your body language. An amazing lover will try reading your body language and actually communicate with you to make sure it feels as amazing for you as it does for them.
Amazing- he takes control, has a “I can’t finish until you do” energy. Which… good luck Big Dawg, I’m on an ✨anti-depressant✨ the type of kissing where we could just do that and we’d be moaning. good- it’s big and he’ll just let me do what I gotta do without. Average- he’s for some reason still in my bed, and it’s there and wouldn’t it be a nice send off if I just scooted on it?
It’s very subjective; I can only speak to what makes someone a great lover for *me*. But some of the qualities and behaviors involved in that would be:
* Understands basic sexual anatomy enough to know that clitoral stimulation is the main way people with vulvas feel pleasure/reach orgasm, so it should be a significant focus of whatever we do, unless we discuss otherwise
* Good pacing, doesn’t just rush into things
* Good at setting their partner at ease/making them feel comfortable and relaxed, which includes being good at giving compliments/words of affirmation/reassurance
* Good/kind communicator, able to both give and receive sexual technique feedback calmly as needed
* Kinky (dominant-leaning in my case, because I’m submissive-leaning) and consent-conscious
* Understands that sex ≠ penetration
* Confident, calm, not likely to be thrown off if anything goes minorly wrong (somebody drops the lube bottle, momentary boner issues, whatever)
* Vocally enthusiastic about my body and the sex we’re having
* 1000% chill about the usage of sex toys, lube, and condoms
* Understands the importance of aftercare, cuddling, etc.
Average – dependable, but distant, sometimes feel working alone in the relationship.
Good – loving, supportive, within the expected role.
Amazing – a partner who makes me feel alive, cherished and chosen every day.
The main factor for me is trust. I should be in the right mindspace to be able to relax and concentrate on my physical sensations. And how well I am able to do that or if at all, depends on how much I trust the person I am with. I should trust them to respect me and my boundaries, to care about my safety, to make effort to pleasure me. If I have to do mental math about if it’s worth it to give feedback or instructions or to correct their actions or would it make them feel bad, if I have to perform a dance around their sense of masculinity at the cost of my own joy and comfort, it’s bad and I’d just stop it there and then.
If trust is there, I think average to good to amazing has a lot to do with communication, connection and technique. And chemical, anatomical compatibility.
Mutual levels of interest, chemistry, attraction. Being on the same page with emotions/desires/wants/needs like you can’t really have one partner who only wants a ONS and the other is looking for LTR. This is often a problem early when meeting a new potential partner is working through those issues. So with all that said someone who makes an amazing lover is someone who communicates with you both verbally and through touch/body language that you matter and it’s not just all about their needs. To me something that is crucial is eye contact if you have a partner who doesn’t enjoy looking into your eyes and/or looking for your reaction that is usually not a good sign for me
Bad sex: Incompatibility
Good sex: Emotional/physical compatibility, long-term relationship, predictable
Amazing sex: Kink sex
Average= rock and roll; Good = funk; Amazing = jazz.
Average is someone who isn’t seducing _before even getting to your body_. Every woman is different, naturally, but foreplay _starts_ in the mind. Average isn’t bad. It’s just not layered.
Good is someone who cares enough to try to get you there, knows that _building_ layers of excitement is a twisting, turning road. You can’t just go 0 to 60, bang, back down to 0. They focus on more than just that one area, they act like tourists, taking it all in, rather than a racecar driver barreling toward the finish line. And they _want_ you to truly reach the destination, not simply make the noises. Good is someone who wants you both to win.
Amazing is the one who knows to, um, use an upward motion, to know when to be gentle and when not to be, the one who LISTENS to what you are uttering, especially if unintelligible, and to throw out the damn map, go off-roading, overwhelm you with their physical craving of you, wanting no spot on your body untouched (unless you’ve expressed no to certain things in advance).
Extra credit for the ones who don’t ever take the same route twice, or develop several patterns, and switch things up. Think about some of the music that you listen to. How many times do you ask yourself who that drummer is? Most of the time, you don’t. They’re keeping the beat, doing it well, everyone likes the song. Then you get your Jack Whites, your Dave Grohls, your Lenny Kravitzes. I’ll give you inspiration: Go listen to the drum breakdown in No One Knows by QotSA (01:10-01:35, if you’re watching the video). I’m not saying you have to like the song, I’m saying appreciate what happens there and the intensity and the full commitment of self to that power. I hope that says enough.
Ngl, my groggy self thought you were describing 🍆 sizes HAHA
As you depicted, it is a spectrum.. depends on what you want to settle with.
A lot of it its on me, how attracted I am to him, how free I feel with him, how confident he makes me feel
Amazing lovers are rare because most people don’t realize good sex starts way before the bedroom. Emotional connection, trust, and communication make all the difference
Our connection/compatibility/chemistry together.