Hi all!
So my girlfriend and I (both 22) have been running into problems during sex. I have had a fetish for puffer/down coats and duct tape bondage/gags for as long as I can remember. But, I just can’t seem to perform when we have sex unless I have one or both of them on my girlfriend. We have tried vanilla sex where I just think about of these things on her, but my wind wanders to random thoughts every time this occurs. We have talked about it and she was comfortable with them for a bit, but as of late, she feels less close and not enough for me since I need these items. We both love each other so much and want to find a solution for the both of us. Any advice would be much appreciated!
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Post title: Unable to perform without fetish
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Hi all!
So my girlfriend and I (both 22) have been running into problems during sex. I have had a fetish for puffer/down coats and duct tape bondage/gags for as long as I can remember. But, I just can’t seem to perform when we have sex unless I have one or both of them on my girlfriend. We have tried vanilla sex where I just think about of these things on her, but my wind wanders to random thoughts every time this occurs. We have talked about it and she was comfortable with them for a bit, but as of late, she feels less close and not enough for me since I need these items. We both love each other so much and want to find a solution for the both of us. Any advice would be much appreciated!
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Uh. Sounds like it’s time for therapy man.
The solution is to ask what compromise she would feel acceptable and also accept that if you have strong needs you gonna narrow the amount of people your going to be compatible with. Think of it in reverse, lets say she told you she prefer to shit on your face and would try to find a solution for the both of you. Just because you want to find a solution doesn’t mean it has to be one. And if there is, its most likely you dialing it down and not reducing her to a state where she feels disconnected. Maybe she wants intimacy while you want her ducktaped upside down like a corpse. I would for sure understand how that makes her feel less close yo you.
If you want to make it with this girl, you atleast have to lower your expectations, not judge or demand and also give her stuff that she likes and maybe there are some compromise or common grounds where some things works for the both of you.