There were mini red flags before, that I foolishly ignored while we were dating like never calling or texting me, never iniating outings or dates. It was always me doing so and it's still the same today.
He's afraid to fly so out of the country or state trips are null and void. He doesn't like boats so no cruises and he doesn't drive more than 30 minutes because of "sleep apnea" so it's me who ALWAYS drive. I again, foolishly thinking it could possibly change because, WHY NOT??? He was nice, humble and easy going and I liked him. No change but here we are been together for almost 12 years and married for 6. A little over 4 years ago, a chick from his past who he says was just a few time fling claimed her daughter was his. The girl was 8 at the time. DNA test says he's the father.
Some of you may understand and some will not but I was completely devastated. I did not want to date anyone with kids because I am selfish (as honest as I can be) and I did not want unnecessary "baby mama" drama in my life. Now he has a child from someone else.
Now read this next section twice because someone is going to still come for me like I'm a horrible person because they can't read
This child is the innocent party, she did not ask to be here nor could she choose her parents. I would never in this lifetime or the next mistreat a child. She would become mine and be extremely well loved and taken care of. Period
The problem was, I needed processing time as well as my husband. I don't mean a week either, just a couple of days for us to talk through this, work out any emotions and discuss the way we were going to incorporate her into our lives that wouldn't overwhelm her. This is when I found out that my husband is a mama's boy and a sister's b****. He went crying to them about it and I promise you the next day, they have contacted the mother and her and the child was invited to their home. (His sister (55) still lives at home with their mom 45 minutes from where we all live. You may not think so but I felt it was disrespectful to over step my husband. He hasn't gotten the chance to even know her. She just found out she has a dad and now these other people trying to see her too. I thought it was too soon for that. Soooo, the daughters home life isn't the best so she immediately took to his mom and sister and began staying with them every weekend without my husband even knowing. Weird right?
My husband and I got to meet the daughter and mother one evening. The daughter at that time was very sweet and she developed an instant likeness to me buuuuut……the mother is a complete crazy, disrespectful, childish idiot!!!
She has been disrespectful as crap the entire 4 years. She'll say she wants my husband to have a relationship with their daughter but then when he tries, she stops it. She will call him 100 times a day talking about things they did in the bedroom, talking rudely about me and him. Begging for money for her car, drugs nothing that would have to do with the child. Nothing. She doesn't seem to respect boundaries or understand them. My husband has broken my trust because I told him to put himself on child support to eliminate the back and forth which he did but he was sneaking and giving her outside money. He was sneaking because he used a third party person to help him do so and I found our. His only excuse was he thought he was doing right but you pay over 1300 a month!!!! Then I found him parked in the corner of a grocery store lot talking to her on the phone. His excuse, "I couldn't talk to her around you" WHAAAAT???
He seems to defend her in a weird way but she's always being disrespectful. His mother and sister have been disrespecting me as well. They feel I should've stayed out of it all and let them handle it. They have talked soooo nasty to this mother about me. I was pregnant twice during this and miscarried. The second, I was 5 months and they actually said they were happy we lost it so he doesn't have to deal with me. It has been a shit show. I was diagnosed with a brain tumor in november (I'm cured now!!!) but I didn't want the news out. My husband tells them anyway, the sister tells the child's mother. The child's mother texted him saying "I can't wait until she dies so we can be together" I know some of you are saying "why haven't you whooped this b**** a** yet" trust me I want to but she avoids me like the plague. I only met her the once, 4 years ago. This is already long enough and I have sooo many stories regarding his baby mama, sister and mom. It's been 4 years and my husband still doesn't have a relationship with this child as the mother has poisoned her against him but get this. His mom and sister sees her every weekend without them informing him and he sees no wrong in it.
I tried to sit and tell him how I was feeling about all of this and how I can't trust him, his family is disrespectful, this mother is disrespectful and now the child who is now 12 is disrespectful through fake texts. (She is waaaay to grown for her age). I am 1000% unhappy in this. He doesn't listen, he takes everything as an attack, doesn't apologize and always tries to reverse things on me. I genuinely wanted to work out these problems, get counseling but the way he reacted made me finally view him in a waaay different light. I told him that he's mad at me for being upset over the disrespectful things that continue to happen when this is all from his poor choices 12 years ago. I am done, moving out and will be filing for divorce the second that 1 year separation is up. And guess what, I'm actually fine. I promise I no longer care. I think I might have fallen out of love with him that very minute.