Past partners have asked me to be more dominant or sexually aggressive in bed. I've had trouble doing this because I feel as though my sexual desires are predatory/posessive/controlling/etc. I worry I'll do something that will make my partner want to stop and then I won't be able to read any signals that she wants to stop.
My partners have also mentioned that I'm most likely autistic. I miss a lot of social cues. I've done a bunch of research and the usual advice is "check in" but I also discovered that people can sometimes find themselves in a fawn response where they acquiesce without feeling as though they can actually express their desire to stop. I don't know that I'd be able to tell the difference between an enthusiastic agreement and a fawned agreement.
How can I be the kind of sexual partner my partner may want without drowning in fear that I'll hurt them or traumatise them?