Some background: My girlfriend and I are both virgins. I’ve had some limited sexual experience before (like oral), but she hasn’t. I used to feel embarrassed about being a virgin, especially since my first attempt at anything sexual before her was with someone more experienced who ended up rejecting me basically because of my inexperience.
So I guess I’ve developed some anxiety around sex. At first, even getting an erection with a partner was difficult. (I see porn mentioned a lot when I searched other thread and I dont think that’s it, I rarely watch it, let’s say 2x/month). It feels more like nerves than anything else…
What’s going on now: With my girlfriend, things start off great. During makeout sessions or when we’re in the shower together, I’m fully hard. Now when it comes to having sex the issues start, either I lose my erection as we’re getting close to penetration, or I struggle to actually get inside. We’ve only tried missionary so far (which I would love being able to do because of the intimacy, but it’s been challenging)..
I’ve talked to her about being nervous, which does help, but I still feel pressure on myself and end up losing my erection or not managing to insert properly.
My thoughts on why: I’m wondering if part of it has to do with how long our foreplay lasts. Usually, we make out, start touching each other, and then I’ll finger her for a while. I tend to stay hard for the first 15 minutes, but after that, I start losing it. Either I lose it while I’m focused on pleasing her, or I lose it after I have the condom on and am trying to penetrate.
So either I continue pleasing her for a while and the kissing slows down and it sort of naturally fizzles out. Or we talk and tease each other, which helps me get hard again, but by then, she doesn’t seem as turned on. Sometimes she shifts into a laughy mood other times I touch her again and can feel she’s less wet than before.
So now I’m asking myself: would it help if I moved things along quicker… Like not dragging out foreplay so much and trying penetration earlier? Or should I be more open with her about needing a moment to reset, then trying again, even if that slows things down? I don’t want her to feel pressured or to keep going if she’s no longer in the mood though.
I’m really into this girl and honestly everything is perfect expect for this, it seems like she doesn’t mind, but I worry it does or it will take so long it will start bothering her. Plus is bothers me because I’d love to be intimate with her.
TL;DR: I lose my erection during longer foreplay or right before penetration, and I’ve struggled with actually getting in during missionary. Any tips on maintaining an erection and making penetration smoother?