Hello everyone, as title says my partner and I are currently having problems with his parents.
My fiancé (27M) and I (27F) have a 7 month old baby, and we finally found wedding vendor that has one available date this November. Reason for marrying now is that I am on maternity leave until February next year, and I feel like I will have more time to organize everything in comparison to when I start working. We told them the date one week ago, as well as my parents. His parents were kind of surprised, and behaved strangely since. We told them to give us an approximate number of guests they would like to invite, until this Friday, so we can communicate to the host, and reserve the place. His father was initially surprised, said to him that he suspects he was pressured by my parents, cause he was with us on small vacation for 3 days before that. My fiancé explained otherwise and we thought we were good. He then continued messaging with his father on some small details, and father delivered the list. His mother needed reminding as she was on vacation, and never delivers the lie telling she was “pressured”. After that, both of them got together and via phone call told my fiancé that they don’t understand the rush, and they will not be coming to wedding. In addition, his father told other in his side not to come.
I had a small mental breakdown as we confirmed everything and left deposits. Then, later that day, his uncle calls and says he will be attending, and that his brother (father in-law) is behaving badly due to misconception that my parents are organizing the event. Also, he told us that the father only told him not to come, and not other cousins as he previously stated. Important detail- we are funding the wedding, and do not expect any help from both sides. There is no financial pressure on them regarding the matter.
Now, we are about to have a meeting with his parents tomorrow morning. His father said that he will include my parents in talk (they are on vacation now) if necessary. However, our parents were friends and even celebrated holidays togheter, so I don’t see where is this behavior coming from. Of course, we were planing to set a short met up with all of them to comunicate further details of the wedding, when they all arrive in town.
My fiancé and I are very anxious, and unsettled by such communication, as his parents have shown controlling behavior in last couple of months, regarding other topics too. He is only child and I am as well. We consulted his father for buying plot of land and building a house, which he was advising us for a certain period of time. Then suddenly, his mother suggested we moved in with them, and rent our place (one-bedroom apartment my fiancé is the owner of), in order to accumulate more money. We refused cause we don’t want to live with any bodies parents, but they created so much drama of this and the relationship got tense. This all happens in the past month. Must appoint that before all this talk, we were very friendly and familial with them. His mother used to be thrilled with us being together, calling me her daughter ecc. But this past month has been so strange and stressful. They didn’t even seen the granddaughter, and do not mention her so often.
TL;DR: Had great relationship with in laws. Now they behave controlling and childlish since we refused to move in with them (without previous talk on the matter), now they sabotage our wedding plans and have created unwanted tension.
What would you suggest, how to communicate and how to approach situation without escalating the conflict?