I’m a F40 and my husband is M43. I’ve been with him since I was 16. We’ve built a beautiful life (or so I thought). We have three children 16, 14, and 4. We have a good sex life and connection. He recently went to a bachelor party in Miami. When he came back home he was very distant. I assumed he was sick from vacation. Three days passed by and I knew something was wrong. I asked him about the trip and he brushed it off. He avoided conversations with me and the kids and continuously cleaned the bathroom after using it.
On day 4, he cuddled me with my 4 year old, then told me “I’m ready to tell you what happened on the trip”. I immediately knew something was wrong, I started crying and asked him if he cheated on me. He told the very first night they went to the strip club. He stated that he got extremely drunk and paid a stripper for oral sex. He told me he feels like a POS and a horrible person and father. He said he had to tell me because of his guilt and love for me. I am totally devastated. I couldn’t breathe. My life was destroyed.
I asked him why he would do this, why risk his entire family for this one BJ from a stripper. All he could say was he doesn’t know why and kept apologizing. I asked him how much he paid, he said $300. The worst part, I asked if he used protection, he said no. I felt betrayed, belittled, heartbroken. I felt extreme grief for our children. He’s a great dad and was a good husband. I told him to get tested for his own sake. Our family will never be the same again.
I had to leave the house as I couldn’t stand the sight of him or the sound of his voice. I booked a hotel for the weekend to think and clear my mind. I was crying, but didn’t want to tell the kids why. I just asked them if they wanted to go to the hotel with me because I need to get away. I told them they could also stay with their dad and I’ll see them Sunday. They all decided to go with me. He begged me for us not to leave, he didn’t want to be alone. I told him he should have thought about that before getting a BJ. I asked him if the family was only worth $300 and a cum. He kept pleading saying it was a mistake, he’ll never do it again, it was a lapse in judgement, that he loves me, loves the kids, loves our family.
I left with the kids to think. I want to be strong. Apart of me loves him so dearly. The other part, I despise him for the scum bag he is. I am so conflicted and confused. I know I should leave him, but apart of me is grieving us. When I return home, I’m asking him to move out to give me time to process. I could really use some support and advice.
TL;DR: Husband confessed to paying for oral sex at a bachelor’s party, I’m devastated and don’t know if I should end the marriage?