So I (45M) have been with my partner (35F) Tracy for 10 years, we have 2 children and have a great life together.
we met through mutual friend after divorcing my ex wife who I had been with since I was 19 and I was instantly attracted to her beautiful, intelligent and amazing body.
After meeting her I asked her out on a date which went amazing then we had a few more and got together not long after.
Having not been with many women due to getting into a relationship so young I found the sex and intimacy with Tracy was amazing for the first year it was pretty much daily and great.
Then it started getting less and less, to the point the last year it’s been once a month sometimes twice and there was no passion, excitement or anything different with no foreplay.
I have questioned this multiple times over the years if it’s me, is it someone else or what is it, she has assured me it’s not me and given alsorts of reasons, so I have done everything to try to improve it but still no change then a new reason.
I know before me Tracy was sexually adventurous and asked is it the fact I’m not good enough in the bedroom and she has assured me it’s not but nothing changes or improves.
I have made several suggestions on how to improve things but always a no and Tracy never comes up with any suggestions.
I have always thought maybe it’s me and that I’m not exciting enough so I said if she wanted to have fun with other guys she was free to do so and she always said no she doesn’t want to and has zero interest in other guys, I said a few times if she did she might enjoy it but if anything was to happen with someone she is to let me know before hand. Just to note I have never mentioned me doing anything with anyone else I have zero interest in anything with anyone else and just want a good, fun enjoyable sex life with Tracy
Well a few months ago she went away for a spa break, messaging asking how the day was, was she having a good time. They then went for food and drinks and out to the town for a couple of hours, she messaged me saying she is going back the hotel for one last drink before bed, okay all good I messaged a few times but no response fine she had a few and may have gone bed.
Well the following morning I get a message… sorry didn’t see my phone. Something happened last night, I had a few more drinks in the bar and got chatting to a guy, we took some drinks back to my room and there was some touching, kissing and it got intense, he took my clothes off leaving just my panties on and got to the point of him rubbing his big hard cock up and down my pussy through my panties.
Wow I asked did it go any further and she told me no as he never had any protection but it would have if he did.
She told me she was upset and sorry asked if I was mad which I assured her I wasn’t but I wasn’t happy she hadn’t told me before hand like I had always said
When she gets home we chat and she told me she REALLY enjoyed it but still felt guilty, I assured her there was nothing to feel guilty about. Honestly the sex the week following was amazing multiple times a day and really passionate and I felt like she really wanted me.
She told me she wanted to try it more which I said I was okay with but there would be rules.
Tracy set up an online profile and a week or so later meet another guy she said they had plenty of foreplay but he cum while going down on her and couldn’t get it up again. They agreed to try again another time but for one reason or another they didn’t get to it.
Again when she came home the sex was great for the next week or so.
She carries on speaking and sexting a few guys she was chatting to online and again sex is great while she is doing this but then she decides she doesn’t want to do any of it anymore and will put the effort in without me without any of it which is fine her decision and I respect that
Now it is several months later and it is back to the same once or twice a month, no foreplay no effort.
It seems to me Tracy gets bored easy and only seems to put the effort in when there is someone or something else involved.
So what do I do to improve things and what can I try to get it to how it was and has been?