Hi everyone,
I’m Catholic and have been dating my boyfriend for about a month. Things are going well, but I’m struggling with guilt and this constant feeling that I’ve already failed him.
Before we were official, I had a friend (let’s call him Brad) who liked me. We had dinner once and lightly flirted, but nothing physical happened. Around the time I started dating my boyfriend, I texted Brad and might have said something like “you should visit” when he mentioned vacation. I can’t even remember exactly, and now I overthink if I even said something worse like “I miss you.” Either way, it was a short text exchange. I felt guilty right away and blocked him after this because I knew it wasn’t right.
The truth is — I can’t stop replaying it in my head. My perfectionist side wants my relationship to be flawless, and my faith makes me sensitive to sin and purity in love. I feel daily guilt, wondering if what I did was emotional cheating, even though it was short and I ended it. I struggle with this thought: if I mess up even once, I won’t have a good marriage with my boyfriend someday. I want everything perfect, and when I fall short, I feel like I’m not worthy of him or of the relationship.
I also find myself thinking that every good marriage must never have had these kinds of incidents. But I know that isn’t really true — most marriages go through slips like this, whether it’s a message, an unwise friendship, or a careless comment. The difference isn’t that they’re perfect, it’s that couples grow from it with honesty, forgiveness, and stronger boundaries. Still, my perfectionism makes it hard to accept that.
I pray, but I still feel anxious and guilty. I want to live with integrity, but I also know no one is perfect. How do I balance striving for holiness and faithfulness while not drowning in scrupulosity and perfectionism