What’s the one thing that made you realize your standards were too low in past relationships,and what’s the new standard you’ll never compromise on again?
August 23, 2025
What’s the one thing that made you realize your standards were too low in past relationships,and what’s the new standard you’ll never compromise on again?
14 comments
[removed]
I tolerated red flags because other behaviors were so nice. I’ve always been worried I’d have to settle because all the men I’ve met had deficiencies in one area or another.
After I ended my second marriage I decided no more bullshit. He’s got to meet all my standards or just keep looking.
I want to see NO red flags. And if I see one, oh I’m damn sure gonna observe that shit to see if I’m seeing truth.
And then I leave if I’m right. And it’s hard, but I’ve gotten fast and precise with it.
I no longer stick around waiting for change. I’m grown, they’re grown. If they were a person about growth and change, it would be obvious.
This mindset has absolutely paid off.
I had to laugh a bit when I saw this because … I don’t think I had standards. Bit embarrassing to admit tbh. I would never again go for a heavy smoker, or heavy stoner, someone with mental health issues who refuses to get help but demands me to go to therapy, someone who can’t apologize, who is gonna give me the silent treatment when I’m mad at them, who calls me names during a fight then blames me for it, who slutshames my friends and generally talks bad about women who like to party, who goes through my phone regularly and violates my privacy, who blames me for emotional cheating bc I have male friends… idk if I should keep going but yes at least I have a few standards now… yay
[removed]
When I was seeking affection and connection on Tinder dates but they kept throwing money and gifts at me coz that’s all they were led to believe by other women as it was the bare minimum💯
I accepted lying. And boy, did they lie.
Now if someone lies to me, I’m out. One and done. Not doing it.
I allowed my family to pressure me to stay in a relationship that wasn’t right for me. I was SA many times, and yet I always forgave as I believed that it wasn’t my right to say ‘no’. I know better now. I won’t let them pressure or guilt me no more. I realized that all of this wasn’t right when my relationship ended and I reflected on all the disrespect they put me through.
[removed]
I stay away from people with mental health issues they refuse to address.
I do not tolerate long periods of no sex
The moment I see any sign they are manipulative they are out, if I see any red flags, they are out.
He has to have a good standard hygiene now (more than basic to be honest)
And he has to be able to make compromises and listen to me. Doesnt matter what I said he didnt believe it and also didnt want to google?
Not really in past relationships as these fortunately were great 🙌 But when it comes to dating I’m definitely trying not to get attached so soon and never go for unavailable and avoidant men again! As a hopeless romantic t’s hard though sometimes 🫠
Staying for their potential – romantic and friendships
Ugh, as a codependent I’m still struggling with this. I have definitely made progress but sometimes it feels like a lifelong process.
I don’t ever tolerate being stood up by anyone for any reason. I have a one strike and you’re out policy now—no second chances. I also meet the energy of the person I’m with because I always feel like the burden of planning things, connecting for meetups, texting first etc is on me. I will take a turn and then it’s their turn next. If they don’t take their turn, game over. These rules apply to friends and romantic relationships. And I think raising my standards has made a huge difference in my overall happiness level. In life, you don’t get what you deserve. You get what you’re willing to settle for.
I lost myself in ‘compromises’. When someone so clearly is not tolerant with the way I live my life/handle decisions/etc to the point where I have to walk on eggshells and under-communicate for fear of fighting over and over again, then things are not healthy and neither person is making the other happy.
14 comments
[removed]
I tolerated red flags because other behaviors were so nice. I’ve always been worried I’d have to settle because all the men I’ve met had deficiencies in one area or another.
After I ended my second marriage I decided no more bullshit. He’s got to meet all my standards or just keep looking.
I want to see NO red flags. And if I see one, oh I’m damn sure gonna observe that shit to see if I’m seeing truth.
And then I leave if I’m right. And it’s hard, but I’ve gotten fast and precise with it.
I no longer stick around waiting for change. I’m grown, they’re grown. If they were a person about growth and change, it would be obvious.
This mindset has absolutely paid off.
I had to laugh a bit when I saw this because … I don’t think I had standards. Bit embarrassing to admit tbh. I would never again go for a heavy smoker, or heavy stoner, someone with mental health issues who refuses to get help but demands me to go to therapy, someone who can’t apologize, who is gonna give me the silent treatment when I’m mad at them, who calls me names during a fight then blames me for it, who slutshames my friends and generally talks bad about women who like to party, who goes through my phone regularly and violates my privacy, who blames me for emotional cheating bc I have male friends… idk if I should keep going but yes at least I have a few standards now… yay
[removed]
When I was seeking affection and connection on Tinder dates but they kept throwing money and gifts at me coz that’s all they were led to believe by other women as it was the bare minimum💯
I accepted lying. And boy, did they lie.
Now if someone lies to me, I’m out. One and done. Not doing it.
I allowed my family to pressure me to stay in a relationship that wasn’t right for me. I was SA many times, and yet I always forgave as I believed that it wasn’t my right to say ‘no’. I know better now. I won’t let them pressure or guilt me no more. I realized that all of this wasn’t right when my relationship ended and I reflected on all the disrespect they put me through.
[removed]
I stay away from people with mental health issues they refuse to address.
I do not tolerate long periods of no sex
The moment I see any sign they are manipulative they are out, if I see any red flags, they are out.
He has to have a good standard hygiene now (more than basic to be honest)
And he has to be able to make compromises and listen to me. Doesnt matter what I said he didnt believe it and also didnt want to google?
Not really in past relationships as these fortunately were great 🙌 But when it comes to dating I’m definitely trying not to get attached so soon and never go for unavailable and avoidant men again! As a hopeless romantic t’s hard though sometimes 🫠
Staying for their potential – romantic and friendships
Ugh, as a codependent I’m still struggling with this. I have definitely made progress but sometimes it feels like a lifelong process.
I don’t ever tolerate being stood up by anyone for any reason. I have a one strike and you’re out policy now—no second chances. I also meet the energy of the person I’m with because I always feel like the burden of planning things, connecting for meetups, texting first etc is on me. I will take a turn and then it’s their turn next. If they don’t take their turn, game over. These rules apply to friends and romantic relationships. And I think raising my standards has made a huge difference in my overall happiness level. In life, you don’t get what you deserve. You get what you’re willing to settle for.
I lost myself in ‘compromises’. When someone so clearly is not tolerant with the way I live my life/handle decisions/etc to the point where I have to walk on eggshells and under-communicate for fear of fighting over and over again, then things are not healthy and neither person is making the other happy.