Hi everyone
I'm here to ask for advice, and also because I need to talk it out with someone.
Me (30f) and my now fiancèe (27m) have been together for the past 4 years. We have been on and off for almost a year and then decided to try to be a couple since love was always growing from both sides.
Last year we graduated from med school, and we slowly made plans to be together in a very serious way.
So, we started living together, we got a cat, we got our stable jobs.
BUT. There is a huge but.
First of all, he's a bit younger than me, and I guess more immature.
He does not deal well with pressure, and he ditched his job because it was really too much intense for him…
Second major problem: due to personal and work issues I had a very bad ED relapse. He found out it abruptly, but I explained to him what was wrong, I never denied any of it. He knew from the start about my anorexia and thought I was magically healed, I guess.
The biggest trauma was me having an abortion last month. My body is too fragile and the doctors told me to make a decision. We both agreed to it. It still hurts a lot.
I know, I know. it's really a lot to process, and I'm still finding myself crying every day thinking about all the stuff that happened. But I finally decided to enter in a specialized ED facility to finally heal for good.
I'll be away for 5 weeks.
The issue is that I don't know what will happen between us afterwards. He seems always vague, and tonight he told me that "I dont know what will happen, it depends"
I'm very anxious about it all. He told me he loves me, but at the same time I know that he complained to his mother about me around 6th of August. He then went for a small vacation (his parents have a beautiful house nearby the sea) to visit them and then came back and we stayed in holiday as well for 4 days.
The 4 days were awesome. But after that he told me he "does not know what will happen", I became very anxious.
I still feel llike I gave all myself to him and our relationship. I always tried my best to be a good partner, an understanding one. I feel like I failed in everything, and that because of all of it he will leave for good. But at the same time he's affectionate, he's kind, he's present now. There was a bit of distance some time ago but I felt good… till he told me what he did. And that he was thinking to go to his parents once again.
I feel like he wants to run away from me and this reality.
I don't know what to do. I'm waiting for the call and still working. I never left my job, I always went even 1 week after my abortion I was there, healing patients.
I really don't know what to think about it all. I adore him and I love him, he tells me everyday he loves me, but I feel like he's a child and does not want to have anthing to do with all the difficult times life give us.
Please help, I need some kindness