I just found out my 50M wife 46F of three years used to be a prostitute for extra "fun" money. She is otherwise an excellent wife that showers me with affection and love until I start acting "weird" and "insecure" after inquiring into her past or looking at her social media. It has always bothered me that she hides her social media and hasn't introduced me to any of her friends. She has been otherwise been open about her sexual past; I knew that she was into the kink community and somewhat promiscuous. I recently found screenshots of text messages where she talks about her side hustle and talks guys who offer her money for sex. It is heart breaking to me that she would keep this from me and let our relationship progress to point of marriage. I feel betrayed and I am weighing whether I should risk blowing up the marriage by confronting her about it. I did invade her personal privacy by looking at her old photo rolls on her old computer after she asked me not to for now obvious reasons. I don't want to let this knowledge fester and breed resentment but I also don't want to blow up the relationship.
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Isn’t it more impt has she stopped being a prostitute after getting married to you?? If she has stopped and is faithful to u, are u not able to handle her past?
If she starts to act shady then of course u worry she is back to her old ”profession”, otherwise r u able to accept her present and not look at her past then ? (assuming she is currently faithful to u and not chatting online inappropriately or behaving inappropriately with other men in real life)
It was before the relationship. Are you upset she was a prostitute, or are you upset that there’s a part of her life you feel left out from? Because honestly, I think the big issue here is she doesn’t let you on her social media or to meet her friends. We all have a past, but it’s a respect issue. If she doesn’t delete it, she should absolutely let you in on her socials.
It’s really up to you which direction you take. That’s a very big secret about her past to keep hidden. My wife is also 46 (I’m 55) and married 6 years. She’s also very loving and affectionate. As well as incredibly gorgeous. I do have full access to all her media, photos, etc, although I never bother. For me, and it can be totally different for you, to be in your situation, that would break me. I know I wouldn’t look at her the same way. This isn’t a matter of divulging one’s past history with an “oops” I did forget about this one guy. It’s an array of bodies that were transactional.
I’m trying to be as gentle as possible as I sympathize with your plight. But, no, I couldn’t stick it out. It would bother the shit out of me every time I look at her. I wish you all the best in this situation and hope it has a happy and satisfying outcome regardless of what that may look like.
She lied by omission about a material part of her past. While the comments saying what she DID in the past doesnt matter moving forward if everything is great and respectful between you two are right, theyre also dismissing the act of OMISSION, which was not done in the past, it was done to you, personally.
Her omission made it impossible to make an informed decision about whether you were comfortable with her sex work prior to getting married. Maybe you would have decided you didnt care. Or maybe it would have prevented the marriage. Youll never know because she took that decision from you.
I would personally have an issue with her omission, but thats up to you to decide whether it creates trust issues.
Some big red flags. I usually dont dig into the past with my relationships, but from what you have written it sounds like she is still involved with her clients who are now her friends. Her past should be left in the past and there should be zero contact with them.
You need to have a serious conversation with her. I don’t know how you might feel about being married to someone with such a shady past, but she should have told you, at least with the health concerns, some STDs can remain dormant for years. Has she had herself checked while in this profession?
If she is active in any way with her past clients I would leave.
Yeah there on her friend list so she has a income when your gone.
At least she got paid for it. The rest of us are suckers 🤣
Dude ….she is gaslighting you calling you insecure. This is really quite a big deal. Sounds like you say she is still hiding things from you. IMO there really should be no “privacy” in marriage regarding things related to the marriage….such as affection, finances, etc.
How do you know that she has ended her side hustle?
Personally if I was an ex prostitute who was not open about it I would have tried to erase all evidence of it.
Well you’re in a no-win situation. If she specifically asked you not to look at her old photos and you did, then yeah, it’s a pretty big breach of trust that you did it anyway.
If you had come by that information honestly, it wouldn’t be so bad to tell her you found out and accept her past and aren’t worried about it. She would probably find that greatly endearing.
But you didn’t come by it honestly. So you can tell her and hope she forgives the snooping or you can let it be and live with the guilt of the breach.
How do you know she’s still not doing it, and won’t be in the future
She lied by omission…. Then continued the lie by hiding it from you. Thats straight up evil. Starting a relationship with a lie that big is never good for long term.
Long story short, it sounds like you are new to this information and didn’t get a chance to process it before making a huge decision and your partner intentionally withheld that information which would’ve influenced that decision. They manipulated the situation to either make the situation more favorable for themselves or made a decision for you because they didn’t think it was a big deal based on their selection criteria.
Whatever you decide is justifiable and warranted and you will not be the asshole.
Here’s a way to flip it so females can understand better, if your found out that your now husband used to be bi/gay and never told you about it would you leave him. For many women it becomes a deal breaker just as learning about your wife’s past would’ve been a deal breaker before marriage.
You need to do some soul searching but I wouldn’t feel guilty about your feelings in now finding out no matter how she treats you. She intentionally withheld that information from you and didn’t give you a chance to make the decision for yourself.
I can give different scenarios where this type of behavior is universally unacceptable such as someone who is HIV positive but on medication where the levels are untraceable not disclosing it to partners.