Basically, I had a very difficult relationship with sex and sexuality growing up. I had some sexual trauma as a child, I experienced homosexual attraction growing up (which has somewhat faded/changed as I've gotten older), I was always very shy and modest and scared of people viewing me in a sexual way when I was younger, and I still somewhat am. One of the first times I saw porn, in a sex-education class, I felt sick and had a panic attack and had to leave the room to calm down, saying I had to use the bathroom. I still experience this phobia — seeing or reading about sex makes me feel anxious, panicky, and overwhelmed. I'm not asexual, because I do experience sexual arousal and a desire for sexual intimacy sometimes, but more often than not, I feel overwhelmed and grossed out by sex. For some reason, I feel like having sex will just lead to bad things. I don't love the idea of getting that close to another person. I'm still basically a virgin, so inexperience might contribute to my fears. I don't fully understand why I feel this way or why I'm so sexually stunted. I don't expect ya'll to have any answers, I just kind of wanted to rant a little bit, I guess.