My husband(m39) and I(f40) both travel for work but he's away from home more than me and comes home maybe 8 days a month (not in a row) and I'm home maybe 12-16 days a month. We have a 3yo daughter together but things have been getting worse and worse with our marriage. We hardly ever have sex, maybe once a month if I'm lucky and are hardly ever affectionate with each other. Most of our attention goes to our daughter. We both have been feeling like roommates lately….but for me it felt this way since we got married(12 yrs). Before we got married he was very affectionate and couldn't keep his hands off me. After we got married it seemed to kinda slow more and more, from 4 times a week, to twice a week,to once a week and now this. It was hard to even conceive our daughter because he was rarely in the mood.
Last night I voiced my needs to him, telling him I appreciate that he provides for us but I have been feeling unloved and would like more affectionate words and touches of actual desire (usually he's an awkward kid about it). He got mad saying I'm just trying to be a martyr and it's always about me and my feelings and that I'm stupid and living in some fantasy world when he has been doing everything he can to provide and show he loves me. He's love language is service, but it's more like a "fetch". Like if I ask for something he'll go get it but drags his feet on actually doing things on his own unless I nag him.
I kept trying to stand my ground, I didn't yell though he was yelling and belittling me and said maybe we need counseling to understand each other better.
He went into a rage and slammed his fist on the bed and said he can save us some money and just get a divorce. He said he rather do that than listen to someone tell him how to feel.
That hurt, but at this point I'm feeling emotionally numb and said if that's what he wants to do. He said all I want was his money anyway and it broke me as I told him if that was the case then I wouldn't be fighting with him right now.
I guess breaking me satisfied him because he said he'll do what I want, but that we'll get the counseling but maybe to break me more we had to cancel our upcoming vacation for my birthday.
I feel lost right now and wondering if any of this is worth it. Should I still try for counseling? Am I just being ungrateful? He wants to leave his job but can't because the pay and flexibility is too good. But I don't know how to resolve this.