I’m sure people come on here all the time and say this, but I feel like at my age (37M) I’m just over the whole dating thing.
I’m a pretty late bloomer. I didn’t start dating until we’ll into adulthood. And since then I’ve tried all the methods. OLD has been the most fruitful but even then it’s been a string of dates that lead nowhere.
And at this point I just feel tired. Tired of redoing my profiles, tired of trying to impress people, and tired of jumping through hoops. At the same time though, I still want companionship.
I have my hobbies that make me happy, but they’re not really “group” hobbies where I could use them to meet people. I do go out often but meeting people organically doesn’t really work for me. I don’t know, maybe I’m just unattractive.
On top of all that, I’m still in love with my best friend. She knows and told me she wasn’t interested in a relationship. We’re still good friends but the feelings are still there.
So yeah. I just want to be done with dating, but my desire for companionship keeps me at it even though I don’t want to be. I guess I’m just seeing if anyone else feels the same way. Thanks if you read all this.
TL;DR, I’m tired of the dating game, but I can’t seem to break away from it.
14 comments
Hey, it’s normal to feel that way. I would say just don’t force it. You never know what might be coming your way
It’s so frustrating isn’t it?
Dating isn’t the same as before but you have to keep positive. Maybe go out a little more and try to meet someone out of a dating app.
Maybe take a break? Especially if you still love your best friend. This will make it harder to feel a connection with someone because you’ll be thinking of them. Healing is a huge part before you start dating.
I had to heal from my BD because I knew I wasn’t giving it my all when I did accept to go on dates. I knew I couldn’t as all I did was compare them to him. But it’s totally different now, I’m more opened and I know I’m ready to meet someone because I no longer love him or feel anything towards him.
You shouldn’t be trying to impress people you’re dating. That will scare them off. Just be unapologetically you. Don’t be scared to disagree or offend.
Women have really good emotional intelligence. They know if you’re pretending to be something you’re not.
Yeah man, a lot of people hit that wall. It’s exhausting when dating feels like a second job. Taking a real break might help — focus on your life, let the pressure off, and if something organic comes up, great. Wanting companionship doesn’t mean you have to burn yourself out chasing it
Tbh if you’re in love with your friend, I feel like that’s going to sabotage any other relationship…the woman you’re dating will definitely pick up on it, and that’s unlikely to work for her. And you may be subconsciously comparing your dates to her, which again, women will notice. The last guy I dated definitely had unreciprocated feelings for his female best friend, we did not work out lol. Maybe distance yourself from that friend until the feelings are gone?
I’m 37M with solo hobbies and in love with one of my best friends. None of those reasons have held me back in finding and keeping relationships. Are they obstacles? Eh… Maybe, but not at all significant ones.
If you’re getting dates, that’s the biggest hurdle.
Past that, the best advice I got is…
1) Be You
2) Have good hygiene
3) Have good conversations (ask good questions, talk about yours and theirs hobbies, talk about family and growing up, etc…)
4) Be empathetic and interested in the other person
And if all those four are genuinely done and they don’t go for you, then it’s a compatibility thing and that’s ok too.
You mean you’re having trouble dating when you’re in love with your best friend? Say it ain’t so..
Take a break.
There’s quiet a few catch 22 with all this i feel needs to be challenged from the outset…
– I have embarked on 2-3 new careers that would be the same, however i heave learned from history i am not the type people have interest in
– My work profile shows very high on a trust level (which is ironic as that’s used one of the careers as a positive, however appears to be one of the drivers to push people away socially).
– I would not remain in any status that drains you mentally, you really are better being alone than around someone you like who clearly will never like you back the same. It will drain you mentally.
– Over 25 years ago i flew over 8000 miles for someone, only to be told in the local nightclub i worked in, guys wont drive more than 2 mins for someone, and even then most times they have there interest drive to see him at his place, this opened my eyes alot to how much time and money i was clearly wasting.
– Ive had a few life changing events the past year, i now push my time and money in to things that directly benifit me, have embarked on 2-3 new careers, all of which you would assume would have people flocking to know me and yet that just isnt the case… you really are better looking at what life is willing to offer and allow you access then tailor your own life to benefit the bits you can, even if that means closing the door on parts that clearly your never have access to that others seem to get free and easy.
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That may be a part of the problem right there tho. You shouldn’t even have to do that. Just be your true authentic self and they’ll take it or leave it! Don’t even try anything more. It’s probably more attractive to them anyway if you don’t seem to give a shit what they think, than trying so hard to impress and therefore come off as desperate…
This might sound harsh. But can you imagine that people you are trying to impress are also in love with someone else with no prospect so they are just there to entertain? Should you be dating and complaining when you know you are in love with someone already??
I’ll be honest, you gotta get over the best friend. I (mid30s F) dated a guy who was in love with one of his friends, and our relationship ended in heartache for me. It’s not fair to date when you’re already in love with someone. I think that’s the most important hurdle you need to crawl over.
Take a step back to focus on you and more of your interests. Just jump back in when it feels right
I’m in the same club as you /: