Hi,

my question is about how to find my dominant self. 🙂 I am woman and I have a friend, we haven’t known each other for long, who’s a switch but leans more on the submissive side. I’ve always been submissive and a masochist, but I’m starting to discover my sadistic side. The thing is, I can’t quite figure out how to take control of a situation or how to find my own style. Honestly, I think I’d love it if someone just ordered me to be mean to him. 🤣

He’s smart, confident, and kind of a brat, in my opinion. I’m small, and he has the physical advantage over me. A lot of the things he enjoys are new to me, so I’m still exploring. I’ve been in the BDSM scene for over 10 years, but I’m naturally shy, so I struggle with being the one to initiate. It feels like I’m missing the dominance, but at the same time, I want to be the active one. I’m not into humiliating him – I’d rather be playful, sometimes a little mean.

For example, I’d like the idea of him being nervous about how I might restrain him. But I’m not good with rope, even though it’s the most flexible tool, and that really limits how I can play with him.

Do you have any advice on how I can explore this side of myself and stop being afraid? How do I find my own style of play? Talking to him about it isn’t a problem, but I need to figure it out in my own head first.

Thanks a lot.


3 comments

  1. Hi there /u/Chemical_Jump_7493

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    Post title: How to find my dominant self?

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    Hi,

    my question is about how to find my dominant self. 🙂 I am woman and I have a friend, we haven’t known each other for long, who’s a switch but leans more on the submissive side. I’ve always been submissive and a masochist, but I’m starting to discover my sadistic side. The thing is, I can’t quite figure out how to take control of a situation or how to find my own style. Honestly, I think I’d love it if someone just ordered me to be mean to him. 🤣

    He’s smart, confident, and kind of a brat, in my opinion. I’m small, and he has the physical advantage over me. A lot of the things he enjoys are new to me, so I’m still exploring. I’ve been in the BDSM scene for over 10 years, but I’m naturally shy, so I struggle with being the one to initiate. It feels like I’m missing the dominance, but at the same time, I want to be the active one. I’m not into humiliating him – I’d rather be playful, sometimes a little mean.

    For example, I’d like the idea of him being nervous about how I might restrain him. But I’m not good with rope, even though it’s the most flexible tool, and that really limits how I can play with him.

    Do you have any advice on how I can explore this side of myself and stop being afraid? How do I find my own style of play? Talking to him about it isn’t a problem, but I need to figure it out in my own head first.

    Thanks a lot.

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  2. Try the things you like to do. Keep practising untill you find a way that feels good for you. Keep communicating with him and step-by-step. You will discover your dominant side.

  3. I would try to single out what the “Sadistic Feeling” that turns you on is. Is it power, denegration, getting pleasure ego, is it having compliance from a guy, is it feeling desired no matter taste, unshaved? Is it being able to orgasm immediatly when you feel horny?

    Try thinking of different things when you masturbate and figure out what the “horny thing” stems from. Maybe watch som different versions of femdom. Like facesitting, grinding face, squirt facial, squirt in mouth, rought face riding, latex, pussy cream on face, punishing, orgasm control, bondage, pegging etc. Maybe think of the domination you like to recieve and try reverse it the other way around in your toughts and see if its similar. Think of dirty talk that add to that feeling, maybe slave, worthless, one purpose only, say he loves you or whatever you like. Maybe you want him to say no and not be in mood for sex? Maybe you want to fuck his face in the middle of the night without permission. I mean the details in bdsm are endless and they are almost different to some extent for every person.

    Restrain, start simple with just holding his hands down while you ride him, give him a slap if he doesn’t beg and say the things you want him to say.

    So my best advice is to explore it when you masturbate, watch som female dominantion porn. Try piece together what sexual details turns you on the most, not for the style itself but what underlying feeling it touches. When you know where the core feeling comees from, creating scenarios to maximise that feeling becomes easy and with alot of options and things to try.

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