So my wife went out the night I asked for advice and I had linked her whatsapp account to my work phone, so I could see any messages she sends and receives (shitty I know but I had to know). She sent one message that night she went out and he never read it and she later deleted it early the next day. He wasn’t in contact until later the next night and a few more messages, it was friendly chat until the last message from him, although I didn’t open it, it was sexual going by the first line that you see without opening it and what he wanted to do to her.
She read and deleted all the chats around 09:00 as I was checking constantly at work.
We went on a city break a few days later and I confronted her after having a few too many drinks, she was in the shower and I told her I knew about the chats. She came out and said that he was an old friend and that she has never cheated on me but could have. I told her that I now had doubts about times she went out and when she went to the gym.
Some things were said and that she wasn’t doing this here and wait until we got home, so it wasn’t mentioned again.
We were going to talk the day after we got back but ended up going out with the family so never had the chance, it wasn’t until later that week and I asked if we were going to be alright and she said she doesn’t know. We have done this so many times before, don’t get on, patch things up for a while,say we’ll make changes then don’t and rinse and repeat. The only thing different this time was the chats. She told me that even in a house full of people, she is lonely. Kids rarely come out of their rooms, I sit on another couch and she’s on another, being taken for granted, being ignored amongst other things.
Didn’t really speak about the chats then and eventually went to bed and I was up early for work the next day. She sent me a text asking how I was and I told her I’ve never felt so down and hurt that the marriage is possibly ending, so we made plans to go out the following Saturday to talk things out and everything was fine for a few days until she sent a pic of the gym and it threw me, she came back from the gym and I was tidying up and the kids were out the back playing and I shouted at them to be quiet, I knew I had to get out the house so went for a walk to clear my head.
I would be OK for a few days then it would hit me again, and I would start to think about the chats. Whatsapp updated and I was logged out of the account, even though he wasn’t in contact since the last message due to being blocked and my wife changed her passcode to her phone and one of the things I said that I wouldn’t trust her if she did it but she did anyway.
We had another talk and my wife thought we had moved on but I told her it’s not that easy, whenever a WA notification sound on her phone pinged, my heart skipped a beat and not in in good way, it felt that everytime I left the room/house, she was on WA. She ended up deleting it and reinstalling it but that didn’t help as all chats got deleted, even the kids ones.
One Sunday I asked why she changed her password and she wanted to know why I wanted to access her phone and voices were raised and she was going to cancel a keep fit course she had previously been booked on, I told her to go to it.
I had kept a note on how how I was feeling since I found the chats and when going over them and just decided to fuck verything, went for a walk, leaving my phone. When she came back she phoned and texted my phone which was in the house, she read my notes (I had shown her previously) and was worried about the last message. I had my works phone with me but it was set up to not show messages or phone calls which I didn’t know at the time.
She did come looking for me and I was in the pub, she saw me and left once she knew I was fine. She got the wrong idea and thought I would be lying in a field somewhere, I told her that I would never do that. That night I decided that I couldn’t go on like this and if I didn’t get an answer then it was over.
Over the next few days, she would message me and I would give one word answers and then I said that I need to know everything and she eventually replied with “you sure you want this at work” and I said yes, it didn’t happen then but later that night.
We went out to the local park and had it typed out on her phone, before handing it over and leaving me to read it, she said nothing happened.
She went on holiday last year with friends and family and met up with different groups, now ever since COVID my wife has been working from home, so any chance she gets to talking to someone she’ll take it and in this case it was this guy, they had things in common, liked the same music,movies, walking. She did say there was an attraction but the last message ruined that as it was friendship for her and he wanted more. When I said I found the chats, she panicked and said it was someone she knew for years. She did say that this will probably be the end of the marriage
Once I read it, it was a relief, everything was out. When I went to find her I gave her back the phone and also my wedding ring (as a joke) and she burst out crying, hugged her and said sorry for the stupid joke.
We talked and ironed out a few things, turns out he stays in a different country in the UK,so no idea how he wanted to meet for drinks as it is a few hundred miles away.
So we went out on the Saturday after it for food and drinks and had one of the best days out in a long time, we not only talked but had conversations, usually when we finish eating we pay and leave, but we stayed at the table drinking and talking for about 2 hours after eating, quite surprised they didn’t ask for the table to be vacated. Went to a few other pubs too, so all in all a good time was had.
We now have date nights every Saturday. I'm off work, if we have someone to watch the youngest, if not we’ll go to the cinema with him, just spend time together. We’ve been on holidays 3 times this year and concerts too. It has been a good 6 months, don’t get me wrong, there has been a few disagreements too but nothing major.
There was stuff i missed out as it would be quite a few posts long.
TL;DR: Spoke with my wife about hidden Whatsapp and sorted it out.