My wife and i have been together for almost 10 years in total with being married for almost 8 years. We have three kids involved. We just bought a house together past October.
Not trying to be biased on giving the details.. we have been struggling for 2-3 years and communication has been lacking more and more lately to the point it feels like a disconnection. Porn has been an issue in the past, and hasn’t been relevant in our relationship since January of this year. She has caught me in the past and both are clear we don’t/didn’t want porn being watched. The time before the last I was told if caught again it would be the last straw. I fell short of sin, looked at it and was caught shamefully just after she had cosmetic surgery. I accept my responsibilities and own up to it and take full blame.
We have put the kids first constantly for years on end and our marriage has suffered because of the lack of date nights, alone time, and sheer time to have with one another and love like a married couple should. Litterally maybe 4 dates a year and one night out of the year maybe two have been just us.
She wants me to be a better leader in Christ as a Christian man,husband, leader, prayer warrior, and I want this bad for myself and my family. I have tried to pray more openly, show my interest in persuing Christ, and showing my kids the way to be led by and to Jesus.
I have for almost 4 weeks now tried to ask about getting out for a date night several times a week to show my efforts and that I haven’t forgotten about her or our relationship with her being cold, not wanting to go out on any dates. She has been out of the house at least 3 times in the past couple weeks to spend time with some of her friends instead of wanting to spend the time with me and work on our relationship.
She seems to be pushed further and further away the more we talk about it and she has expressed that she wants to separate. She has also brought up the fact that she feels depressed and needs to find her happiness, to the point where she feels like her “marriage glass is empty” and can’t pour anything into our marriage/relationship. She hasn’t wore her wedding band for over a month now and i continually wear mine as a sign that I’m not giving up on her and what we have..
She seems extremely hurt over some things that stick out in her mind like me not throwing her a 30th birthday party, when she threw me a 30th birthday party. I did buy her a present for her 30th but failed to give her something even bigger due to our relationship circumstances of being caught with porn, her being hurt, and her telling me verbally that she was so upset that she didn’t want to have a party.
We had sex maybe 1.5 -2 months ago. Which is extremely hard on me due to me craving physical touch in generally with hugs, hand holding, feet rubbing, back rubbing, etc. I’m a very physical and affectionate person in general.
I have no family ties with minimal support emotionally with maybe 3 good friends. When I say I don’t have any family it’s because I have crossed them out due to drug use and not wanting my kids or wife to be around that what so ever. It’s been like this for 5+ years.
Am I foolish for wanting to hold on, even if separation persues to still hold on and try and give her the space to find herself and happieness? I feel like if separation happens, and we aren’t back within 3 months that our marriage will ultimately end in my worst fear, Divorce.