I am M23, she is F25, we're togerther since 2021
I always put a lot of effort into making sure my girlfriend reaches orgasm, and she usually does every single time. I genuinely enjoy giving her pleasure it makes me happy to see her satisfied, and I take pride in that. The issue is that once she climaxes, she often stops and doesn’t seem very interested in making sure I finish as well. I don’t mind focusing on her, but when I’m left hanging it makes sex feel incomplete and a bit one-sided. We’ve talked about this before, but she doesn’t seem motivated to change or try different ways to help me. I’m starting to feel frustrated and unimportant, even though I love her and enjoy being intimate. Why might she act this way, and how should I handle the situation without making her feel pressured?

TL;DR: I love pleasing my girlfriend and she always orgasms, but she rarely tries to help me finish, which makes sex feel one-sided. Not sure how to deal with it."


20 comments

  1. Communication. I’m sure I’ve felt this way plenty of times but honestly it’s probably not personal. Plus it’s not always about just getting off but connecting with them. Have you talked to them about how this makes you feel?

  2. Talk to her about it again and if she doesn’t change i would suggest leaving her. Her not listening or considering your feeling and not factoring in your happiness will carry over into other aspects of the relationship in the future.

  3. Genital stimulation after climax might feel unpleasant or even painful. Consider finishing by other means

  4. So, you can handle this the same way women often have to handle this! Same general advice. (beyond having another talk)
    – If she can’t help you finish, she doesn’t get to orgasm first, plain and simple. Give her good foreplay and all that still, but stop before she finishes. Proceed to have whatever you need to get off, and then you finish her. Often people, male and female, feel over-stimulated or tired after orgasm, and that’s okay, but if you are one of these people you don’t get to be #1.
    – Additionally, get her a toy that goes in and outside of her so that it can vibrate during penetrative sex. The we-vibe is a good example of this. One piece goes inside, the other sits on her clit. You can have sex while she gets the clitoral stimulation, hopefully allowing you two to orgasm as close to at the same time as biologically possible.
    – And, just to re-itterate, have another talk. Sexual incompatibility is a big thing, and while typically roles are reversed, the same fact hold true. Your pleasure is just as important as hers, and her not wanting to help you finish makes her seem distant/cold and uninterested in you/your pleasure. This is a common deal-breaker for couples. If she can’t/wont change, and you can’t deal with a future of getting you off while you go finish in the bathroom like a dog, then this is a relationship you have to re-evaluate. Its not just about the sex, its about her dismissing your needs and disregarding your happiness.

  5. i might sound petty for this but reverse the roles. make sure u finish but she doesn’t, then seem uninterested

  6. I have had this relationship, we talked, we talked a lot. She gave me a lot of excuses, I was patient but after 2 years, I just cannot deal with the frustration anymore and I ended the relationship.

    Unfortunately, people are selfish and only care for their own needs.

    You should talk and explain to her, how you feel. If she does not want to change or even care to help then she is not the person for you.

    To be honest, it should not even be discussed, it should come naturally from that person. It already shows she is selfish.

  7. You can’t be afraid to apply “pressure”. That is a very soft mindset. If you can outlast her. You might be suffering from a different problem. Make sure you finish before her. Do that and guage her reaction. Bring up how you feel again if she tries to talk. If she still refuses to listen then look into one of those sexologists or a therapist. If that doesn’t work then leave her, but only after you’ve tried everything

  8. I’m wondering if she’s actually climaxing or faking it to end the sex cause she doesn’t want to have sex to begin with. What are you seeing and feeling to know she climaxed?

  9. firstly, you should be focused on your orgasm. secondly, time to find someone who will put in the effort. if it takes you awhile to climax then you gotta do most of the work but your partner should be willing help out with whatever it is that helps you gets off, just don’t expect her to do most of the pushing.

  13. Your approach to sex is too focused on her need. You both take care of her needs very well bit not the other way around so you feel left out. But you are disregarding yourself as much. Your approach works only when is mutual.
    Try to focus a bit more on your own pleasure (without disregarding her), maybe also let the ego behind and cum first. Not necessarily every single time but you know..
    Then finish her off with hands or oral or sometimes not at all. Let her adjust or ask you questions 😉

  18. Weird…

    I don’t think I’ve heard of it being the other way around like this. I think have a chat, and if that doesn’t work, then from now of the orgasms after you. That way she won’t ever feel pressured to keep going

    But I have to mention… since you have already spoken about this before, and she continues the “behaviour” , that isn’t good. Maybe ask why she didn’t do what she said she would. Hopefully this isn’t a pattern of behaviour, but just a one time thing.

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