I’ve been married to my husband for 9 years. we have 2 kids under 4. Last week while walking past his phone I saw a text pop up on the lockscreen from one of his colleagues. it’s pretty clear that they’re having an affair “I love you miss you” etc. I took a picture of the text.
The woman is married w kids. we socialize with her family in group settings 1-2 times per month. Altho she and I aren’t necessarily friends, we are friendly. There is no way her husband knows.
I was shocked when I saw the text. I’d never known my husband to lie to me ever. To be fair, our relationship hasn’t been in a good place since the birth of our second child last year. It was a high risk pregnancy and our kid was in the NICU. 3 months ago he said he wasn’t happy with our relationship and was thinking about divorce. We agreed divorce wouldn’t be feasible for our family now but that we would make a serious effort to improve our marriage. Since then there have been improvements (or so I thought) and he’s in therapy. We enjoy spending time w our kids together and have been trying to use our limited time at night to rebuild our connection.
It’s been a week and I haven’t said anything to anyone. I don’t know what to do. I worry confronting him would push him to actually file for divorce which I don’t want for many reasons. He’d fare much better than I would. We live in a no fault state. Although we both work full time I make more money. I’d owe alimony and child support. He has local family support and wealthy parents. My family is a plane ride away. He’s a good dad so it would be 50/50 custody. And we would have to stay in our current town. Our budget is tight. My salary is what allows us to pay for childcare. Our mortgage is 2% interest and we live in a HCOL area. the equity in our home isn’t enough to put a down payment on anything. Also given my job the time I see my kids at night and during the weekend is limited. It would break my heart to have to split that time in half. In short, I neither want nor could afford a divorce.
I’m have an appointment w a divorce lawyer tomorrow to discuss options but I’m still reeling from this discovery. Should I risk confronting him?