i went on a two week trip out of the country and my communication with my boyfriend text has always been spotty. i gave him an overview of what my schedule was during this trip and it was mostly to be with family and friends. there was also a 12 hour difference so it was hard to communicate.
when i came back, he started asking me if i lie to him and he admitted to lying to me. i answered no because i genuinely did not recall any times i had lied to him because even the smaller things i would say it out right. a little back story. i even disclosed a really sensitive sexual health issue with him that was hard for me to open up with. in the conversation, he also went on about how girls would make tinder accounts when theyre bored to talk to other guys even if they are in a relationship. he asked if i made one when i was away, i said no. reason being i did not make a tinder account to talk to anyone out of boredom. he made me look up tinder on my messages, and i remembered i had made a fake tinder account with my friend to essentially make fun of people who were on it. he got mad and said i lied to his face after saying i dont lie, when i genuinely did. and i own that mistake. he even saw the cringey screenshots that was taken. the texts i sent to my friends also explicitly said that the account was deleted 30 minutes later.
before the lying topic, i was also already in defensive mode because he was weaponizing my cold sores and another health issue i had that i contacted through sex when i was younger. it was already a difficult and confusing conversation to begin with. he says that because of those health stuff he sees me differently and when i asked what that view was, he wouldn’t tell me. then he asked about the lying stuff and it went from there. i’m not sure if he’s trying to pull me down and also finding cracks to find something negative about me.
he was also mad because there was one night i was out up until 5 am and he saw my location, where i was hanging out with my friends and i had already told him that in that country that’s how they party. that day though, i did act out of spite because i put my DND on and also didn’t respond a day later. since i was upset he didn’t respond to me for a whole day when i knew he was active on his socials and had access to reaching out to me. he refuses to give me the reassurance and communication i asked for which he used against me in the past.
i understand that i broken his trust and it has been really painful. i should have been honest when he asked. i didnt make a tinder account to talk to other people, but a friend and i made one just to see how cringey people were on it especially in a different country because we were talking about dating apps and we had a couple of drinks. i think it was immature on my end, and i fumbled the bag really badly.
he isnt mad about the tinder, but the half truth that i gave him. i guess to me it wasn’t a big deal because i didn’t have the intention to talk to people. it was a bad decision. i know that i made a big big mistake, and i have always been faithful, devoted, and loving to him. i did not have him in mind when making that account because it was all for fun and jokes, and i didn’t have the intention to talk to anyone at all.
the biggest mistake was lying to him and trying to give the technical truth instead of just being honest and saying i made one. but again in my head the question was framed in regards to talking to other people. i just feel stupid and less of a person because of this. he hasnt talked to me since.
i have given him space and i am afraid he’s going to end it because of this. i am willing to do anything to prove that this does not define me as a person and what i did had no intentions of hurting him. in my head i didnt lie because i didnt make an account to talk to other people, but i still did the action of making one out of an immature decision thinking i was only having fun with my friend.
*post was deleted because i forgot to put an ask. is this something that’s repairable? what should i do? he hasn’t reached out since our conversation and it’s making me anxious. i really do love him and want to be with him and i’m torn because of this mistake i made.
tldr: i lied to my boyfriend about making a tinder account with a friend that was all for jokes, and deleted it after 30 mins. boyfriend is mad because said no to his question if i made a tinder account when i was under the impression that he asked if i made one to talk to other people