Hi Reddit,
I’m a 27F, financially independent (earning ~20 LPA), and recently married my partner of 8 years (28M). Before marriage, we supported each other through everything, but after marriage, things have changed drastically.
His family (from Haryana, I’m from MP) is extremely controlling. They expect me to obey their “rules for a daughter-in-law,” constantly interfere in our choices, and get angry when I set boundaries.
My husband says things like:
At a recent meeting with my parents, his family insulted me for having a job (I earn more than my husband and share expenses equally). They said I should stop “complaining” because every woman does job + in-law care.
They also complained about wedding gifts. My FIL shouted, pointed fingers, and banged the table in front of my parents. This is recorded on our home CCTV.
Whenever I raise concerns, they gaslight me: “Why didn’t you say this?” or “It’s your fault.” Somehow, it always becomes my mistake.
I’m scared of compromising because I know these restrictions will only build up. I don’t want to spend my life being silenced or treated unfairly.
👉 What should I do? Should I involve legal help at this stage or keep trying to resolve things within the marriage? How do I protect my dignity without destroying my relationship?
tl;dr: Married for a few months. In-laws are controlling, insulting, and want me to follow “daughter-in-law rules.” Husband insists I must live with them because I’m a woman. They gaslight me and humiliated my parents. I earn more than my husband but they dismiss my career. Should I seek legal help or try harder to resolve this within the marriage?