40M here, been married for 12 years, with great sex, albeit it's very vanilla.

I love going down on her, watching her legs shake as she desperately tries to push my head away, as I continue licking. I don't mind the juices at all. She doesn't have to ask for it; she gets it willingly.

However, it's quite the opposite from her side. She hates giving oral and is clearly not enjoying the experience. She is disgusted by the sight of pre-cum and has told me as much.

She even told me that she's uncomfortable cumming in my mouth, which I've told her that I love how she tastes.

Has anyone been able to convince their partner to start giving oral when they originally didn't like it? It's not a deal breaker for me because the sex is good, but it is really nice seeing myself go in a woman's mouth.


45 comments

  1. Hi there /u/Apart-Permission-849

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    Post title: Wife hates oral

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    40M here, been married for 12 years, with great sex, albeit it’s very vanilla.

    I love going down on her, watching her legs shake as she desperately tries to push my head away, as I continue licking. I don’t mind the juices at all. She doesn’t have to ask for it; she gets it willingly.

    However, it’s quite the opposite from her side. She hates giving oral and is clearly not enjoying the experience. She is disgusted by the sight of pre-cum and has told me as much.

    She even told me that she’s uncomfortable cumming in my mouth, which I’ve told her that I love how she tastes.

    Has anyone been able to convince their partner to start giving oral when they originally didn’t like it? It’s not a deal breaker for me because the sex is good, but it is really nice seeing myself go in a woman’s mouth.

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  2. There is no convincing, dude. She doesn’t like it and has told you that. That’s where it stops. It doesn’t matter if you like it or don’t mind that stuff.

  3. No means no. It’s unfortunate when a partner who originally did something stops it, and things go one sided. It does happen. But if the partner originally didn’t like giving oral… why did you get married?

  4. Unfortunately, the answer is a hard no.
    Part of getting good head is knowing they willing want to give it without having to ask.
    I love eating pussy, and like how you said, the feeling of their legs shaking, or their legs squeezing your head as they’re cumming. But she didn’t, and it really put a damper on the mood.
    At this point if the sex is good keep it like that. Itlll be tough to change their mind

  5. My gf isn’t a fan either. I love going down on a woman. It’s my favorite thing. Every woman is different but I think some just get really self conscious about their vaginas. There’s these influx of women who go completely bald down there and for the women who don’t go completely bald, they feel pressured on maintaining it down there.

  6. Nothing you can do bud. I’m in the same boat, my wife doesn’t like it and there’s nothing I can do. You gotta live with it.

  7. I’m a bi woman. I just wanna throw out there that in my experience, eating pussy is way easier, less dangerous, and more pleasant than giving a blowjob. They are leagues apart.

    My personal theory is that if giving a blowjob were as easy, safe, and painless as eating pussy was, a lot more women would be into it. Conversely, if eating pussy were half as difficult, painful, and dangerous as giving a blowjob is, very few men would be doing it.

    It kind of sucks that they get compared by monosexual people as if they are equivalent acts, because they’re not. Ain’t nobody ever had a clit shoved down their throat until they gagged, you know?

  8. You’ve been married 12 years, so is this recent or was it an issue from when you two first got together?

  9. okay this might be a long shot but as a female i know how easy it is to get in your head about like smell/taste etc. i had a situation similar where i was worried about it myself and i had overheard my man talking to another guy about giving it, it almost made me feel better idk how to explain it. if there was any way at all you could perhaps get your wife to witness or even read some texts or SOMETHING of you saying something along the lines of ‘oh i have tried a few in my time but my wife tastes the best’ or even ‘yeah i’ve heard some people don’t like the smell or taste but it turns me on so much especially when i can smell it as well’ honestly ANYTHING along those lines could potentially make her feel a bit less in her head about it, im solely basing this of personal experience but it really helped me so it’s up to you if you want to commit enough to do something like that to ease her mind a bit. THIS IS NOT TO SAY that you need to be overly talking about your wife’s coochie to ur friends or something but that’s per your relationship to determine if that’d be a comfortable topic with someone else in some way….

  10. Anytime someone comes here with excessive, hyper-sexual details that don’t actually contribute anything to the context, I get suspicious about their intentions. Are you actually looking for advice or are you just getting off on talking about eating pussy? What does her being afraid to “cum in your mouth” have to do with her dislike for giving you head? Idk. It’s odd to me.

    But either way, she doesn’t like it. You enjoy eating her out, and she doesn’t enjoy giving you head. That sucks. I do find it funny tho, that if the tables were turned here, and a woman was with a man who never went down on her even tho she wanted it, and she was continuing to give him oral, everyone would say: “omg leave!!!” But I digress. Look for other ways to spice things up that she’s actually willing to try. Try different positions, maybe toys, etc. You can’t convince her to give you head, so you need to look elsewhere to get satisfaction.

  11. If you keep pushing it, and especially if you bring up that you give her oral when you push for it, you’re going to find yourself not giving it to her either and possibly not having sex at all…the biggest turn off is not having boundaries respected.

  12. Consent matters. Convincing a partner to perform an act they are uncomfortable with and don’t want to do is sexual coercion, a form of domestic violence.

    Get an oral toy/fleshlight and ask her to use it on you and make it a shared experience instead of forcing her to go down on you.

    I get that you don’t mind going down on her, but that act has nothing to do with coercing her to go down on you. If you feel like reciprocity is more important, tell her you aren’t comfortable going down on her anymore because it isn’t feeling fair to you.

  14. Not gonna happen. She doesnt want to. Even if you could convince her, ask yourself if youd really enjoy her doing something she genuinely hates just to make you happy. 

    I love blowjobs as much as the next guy.  Enthusiastic ones, that she enjoys giving.

  15. Hmm, maybe wearing a condom (with some kind of flavour) on the penis could help ?
    At least she wouldnt swallow the sperm and don’t feel too much the flavour of the genitals

  16. Another perspective here. Relationships & sex are about communication. Perhaps that could help here? I see plenty of conversation about exploring boundaries in this subreddit but am hearing a hard no from folks here.

    Maybe it’s just practical but if oral is important to you it might be something to discuss. These kind of issues can be erosive to a relationship in the longterm.

  18. What about on your birthday? I can’t believe it. There seem to be other commenters with the same dilemma. What do you do on off week? Bjs are a regular part of marriage. Hand jobs?

  20. the way you talk about your wife here & in the comments is sickening. no wonder she doesn’t want to blow you

    take the L & stop pressuring (harassing) your wife into doing something she’s made it clear she does not want to do.

    “NO” does not mean “CONVINCE ME.”

  22. Similar experience. I’m not as good as you with my own mouth.

    I will say we have pretty excellent sex life. Just no oral (for me). And I’m okay with it. I get my jollies, we explore kinks, it’s a loving, committed, fun relationship.

  24. I’ve been with my husband 12 years also – before I used to love sex and giving oral/swallowing etc. But having two kids changed my hormones/chemistry etc. now it’s not the same. I fake it bc I would never ever want my husband to think I am not into it but sometimes I too feel like cum is a bit much and don’t want it on me. It’s weird and I don’t understand it so I blame science. Maybe just explaining to her what you enjoy and then if she wants you to be pleased happy she will know what the effort is worth and where and when to do it

  25. Dude. My exwife was the same. I learned to live with it until the divorce. Then my luck changed and I found a Cockacidal Maniac.

  26. Since you’re on serious relationship level already…. you guys should have an open conversation about each other’s wants and needs. Maybe there is something else behind things.

    And situations like this, is why I’ve always been a firm believer in having open and honest conversations and finding out if you’re sexually compatible with each other “before” getting involved with someone if you’re looking for someone for a long-term relationship.
    There’s no harm in being honest with each other about sexual likes and dislikes.
    And saying or thinking… “It’s OK if you don’t, I can deal with it for you.” You’re just being unfair to them and yourself. And even if you can and do “deal with it”. Why? It could eventually lead to resentment or lead you to seek fulfillment elsewhere.
    Loving someone shouldn’t be tied to sexual martyrdom. It’s a biiiiiiiiigggg world out there full of people.
    Your piece of love’s puzzle is out there. Have patience and faith in that.

  27. Have you tried using flavored condoms for oral? Sounds like it’s the bodily fluids part of a bj that she’s uncomfortable with, it could be a compromise.

  29. I don’t have time to read all the comments but

    1. Have you asked her WHY she doesn’t like it. So she’s grossed out by the sight of precum. She doesn’t need to look at it, however, a big factor is taste and smell. Leading to…

    1A. Are you making sure your junk is freshened up and that your diet is good, thus your taste is not nasty? If someone wasn’t being clean or tasting awful, I’d be uninterested too.

    2. Go to sex therapy? There are some therapist that have YouTube channels too and give insights on such things. Obviously not in-depth or personal but could get the ball rolling to working on identifying issues or what not.

    3. How much of her past do you honestly know? Is there there a defense mechanism to her saying precum is gross?

  30. Bad news – you might just have to let it go. And I mean completely. I believe you when you say you’re not forcing or expecting it, but it doesn’t even have to be that severe to have an impact. Even if you’re being (in your mind) kind and respectful when raising the subject, if she feels that you’re only going down on her because you’re hopeful of getting the same in return, then pretty soon she’ll be baulking at that too. Trying to “convince” her, however you do it, won’t end well.

  31. Wow OP people don’t seem offended by you here. No comment there but about your question – Yeah my wife of about 15 years just all of a sudden started having a kink for giving me head.

    Like you guys she never was interested before, I also never asked for it because her teeth would scrape and it just wasn’t really good from my end and like i said she wasn’t into it either so we didn’t really do it more than a couple short moments every couple years.

    Also like you i have her head all the time, like every day and for a long time, it’s just how we usually start sex and have since very early on, but..

    Maybe 2 weeks ago she had been mentioning wanting to try giving me head, and one night she said she wanted to try it sometime so she went for it and it was absolutely amazing, a completely different experience, she was keeping it super wet and it was absolutely messy and hot, it’s been a regular thing for us lately. I don’t know what it was that clicked in her head but it definitely wasn’t from me asking about it and i imagine if i were annoying her with requests she may not have gotten there at all.

    No advice for you because I’m not sure how we landed where we landed but I do think for the sex to be fun and explorative and amazing an all that, neither of you can be feeling loke a thing is unfair or something. Not that you’re doing that I just mean to remind that for example if you giver her head every night and she never does, that might find you feeling a little frustrated at times, but do try to hide the frustration about anything that has anything to do with sex because once you sttart keeping track of things and arguing in the way that people argue about doing dishes or whatever, it can kind of ruin the hot vibe and be hard to get back to. – I often do WAY more and feel sometimes like I’m carrying out sex life on my shoulders because I do so much innthose ways, but I never ever complain or show any of that because no good ever comes from it. Instead, since i love sex, I just enjoy it, far or unfair, still it’s hot.

    Good luck

  32. How a person handles a no says a lot about their character. Nagging her for 12 years is not very nice of you. 

  33. Wait… there’s hope. Married for 15 and just this last year or so my wife has been going for it. One day I just said that i would really like a blow job for once in my life and an argument that i somehow won and that was the day… nah brother. Your cooked. I haven’t gotten a blow job from my wife since our first year of dating. lol

  34. After reading this post and the comments, I’m genuinely glad to be the one guy who couldn’t care less about getting head. I don’t even feel anything physically pleasurable from it (kinda hard when there’s barely any physical sensation I’m feeling from it in the first place), and the slurping/sucking noises from getting head are honestly a turn-off (it sounds obnoxious and annoying). I have no problem going down on my partner, and I would gladly accept a handjob, titfuck (if it’s possible for them to do it), or using a Fleshlight-type toy on me in return for/while I’m going down on them. I can’t relate to all the doom and gloom from other guys in the comments…

  35. She said No.

    It’s a complete sentence.

    You’d have better odds of picking up The Joy of Sex, a tasteful guide on positions and pleasure, to spice things up.

    Trying to convince her will likely do the opposite of your goals.

  36. Take this as a lesson, folks. Don’t marry someone if you’re not sexually compatible.

    OP- she won’t change.

  37. I don’t think you can convince her, and you probably shouldn’t try. However her being uncomfortable receiving could be a sign of some body confidence issues, if there are other signs, perhaps a therapist would be helpful. Be mindful, the goal is for her to have a healthy image of herself, not to get blowjobs.

    I also think you should be asking yourself how important this is to you. I can understand how her not reciprocating can make you feel like it is unequal. You will have to decide for yourself what changes you need to make for you to be content.

  38. Dude it’s been 12 years. Give it a break my guy. She’s told you no and stuck to her guns. You have your answer.

  39. Depends if she’s wiling experiment after all this time ( assuming she hasn’t already ) If it’s the sight of pre cum , maybe in the dark? If it’s the taste ,try in the shower ? If it’s both , in the shower in the dark ? Chewing a strong flavored gum can help with taste too ..

  40. From your description it kinda sounds like she doesn’t want you to give her head either. She expressed that she doesn’t like coming in your mouth and she tries to push you away. If she was in this thread with us rn, what would be different about how she characterizes oral sex in your marriage vs how you characterize it? And no it’s not too serious. Sex is pretty serious.

  41. “I love going down on her, watching her legs shake as she desperately tries to push my head away, as I continue licking.”

    At what point in the process does she try to push your head away? If she does this throughout (and not just at the very end), you may be giving too much direct stimulation to her clit. 

  42. like always communication, but if she disgusts, you should not force her. It’s a personal choice. If you feel bad or this choice of yours creates an issue in a relationship, she both needs to visit for therapy.

  43. Maybe you could look into your diet? I’m like your wife (I’m a woman), I love receiving oral, but I dont like giving it:( I honestly hate that, as I wish I loved it. But for me, 90% of the reason is the taste of pre-cum. If you could turn off pre-cum, I would never stop sucking dick honestly. And cumming in my mouth is absolutely off limits always!! If it’s the taste for her too, maybe some diet changes would help?

  44. Would she ever consider going down on a woman? I (a lesbian woman who used to identify as het ) used to think it was absolutely disgusting and it made it hard to enjoy. Once I realized it actually wasn’t that gross, it changed my whole experience. I got better at vocalizing what I like and it became more pleasurable too. Obviously I’d be sensitive in suggesting this, but if you think there is any chance it’d be interesting to her, it could be game changing for your dynamic.

  45. My gf doesn’t give and is reluctant to receive most of the times too, even though I enjoy giving.

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