TL;DR: Dropped out of college after realizing the field wasn’t for me (my parents pushed me into it). Mom keeps comparing me to others and called me a failure, even though I really tried. They’ve pressured me into things before (like a driver’s license) and dismissed my concerns about ADHD. Now I’m finally getting tested, but I feel resentful.
So…how do you deal with parents who constantly compare you to others and make you feel like a failure, even when you’re trying your best?
This year I dropped out of my first year of college because I realized I didn’t see myself working in that field. My parents also kind of pushed me into it, even though I wanted to do something else – which they discouraged because they couldn't imagine me studying that. Just to be clear I am going to a different college this fall and not completely dropping out.
Today I had a fight with my parents about it. They complained that paying for my housing was pointless and said I “fooled” them. I told them if I hadn’t tried, I wouldn’t have known it wasn’t the right fit. I then said that my friends parents paid for her housing as well and it was more expensive than mine. My mom then said that atleast my friend “didn’t fail like me.” She’s always compared me to others (and my “perfect” sister), and it’s the reason I pushed myself to get straight As in HS just to feel worthy.
I broke down crying and called her a horrible person because I really did try to make that college work. I already blame myself, but she made me feel even worse. I was locked up in my room all summer. They also pressured me into things like getting a driver’s license when I wasn’t ready, and then it took me 7 tries to get it. When I told them I thought I had ADHD, they didn't let me go to a psychologist and said that meds are horrible and I shouldn't take them. Now, after this year, I’m finally getting tested.
I love my parents and they can be amazing, but moments like this make me resent them. It feels like my mom only values me when I do better than everyone else.