So I was at a party the other night, and I tried striking up conversations with new people. Invariably, my side of the conversation would go something like: "Hi, what's your name? Nice to meet you! How do you know so-and-so? Wow, cool! What do you do for work? Oh, cool!"
Eventually, the "script" would run out and an awkward pause would ensue where they either led the conversation or retreated to their phone (can't blame them). But I'd see other people jump right into conversations with people they just met. Somehow they could agree on a conversation topic and engage immediately. How!?
How do I learn to "engage" with people "effortlessly"? I want to walk up to anyone and be able to have a conversation that they also seem to want to have.
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Sports conversation starter
This has not been something I can do. But I’ve seen that be wildly helpful in these situations.
The craziest thing I can tell you – decommission these trains of thought: “an awkward pause would ensue where they either led the conversation or retreated to their phone” “How do I learn to “engage” with people “effortlessly”? I want to walk up to anyone and be able to have a conversation that they also seem to want to have.”
Awkwardness is a part of human interaction, it’s not personal or bad. If you can accept that, you’re halfway there.
People taking turns leading the conversation is how conversation works, especially the good ones.
People being free to leave the conversation is how conversation works, especially the good ones.
Effort will always, always be required, it’s just an effort that you get comfortable making.
Everyone participating with you, at any given moment of your choosing, the way you want them to…. that’s an unrealistic and, frankly, selfish goal that will burden you and others.
Replace those old trains of thought with newfound curiosity and a looooot of understanding.
For curiosity, it would be a good move to ditch the job interview call-and-response convo: “”what’s your name? Nice to meet you! How do you know so-and-so? Wow, cool! What do you do for work? Oh, cool!”?” You aren’t giving info or diving into any of the information they give you, you just keep asking them for more. A lot of people have expressed not liking probing small talk like this.
Instead start by giving something authentic about you, you don’t mind sharing. Base it off who you are as a person. If you’re goofy, corny, serious, deep.. offer it up.
You’re at the party as a goofy guy, looking for new faces, “Hi I’m ___ and I’m just a goofy guy. What’s your name?” The people who know, will know and probably engage. Those who don’t know will most likely still be amused and those who aren’t amused have clearly separated themselves into the ‘not interested’ pile. This increases your chances of making a connection, which is your actual goal.
So, how can you find new people you enjoy talking to about stuff y’all are both interested in? Talk about things you’re interested in, ask question to find out if they have feelings, thoughts, and /or experiences regarding the matter. Be genuinely curious about their perspective and be open to understanding them.