I want to start this with saying that my boyfriend is a really good guy. Everyone that has ever met him, including my family, has told me that they love him. Which is why I’m bringing this up so I can genuinely find ways to ask him to contribute more so I don’t feel resentful at all.
My boyfriend and I have been dating over 2 years and moved in together about 3 months ago, and overall it’s been great. We’ve had no fights, and overall it’s been fun. We moved in together because he got a new job in a new city, halfway across the country from where we were originally (and where all my friends and family are) and I didn’t want him to be alone in the city or make us go through long distance again, as we already have done that. It is also not a great paying job, as his career path is one that requires a lot of training, so he currently does not get paid much but once he’s done with training in a couple years he’ll be much better off. I do have a pretty good job, so I usually end up covering more, last month I contributed $900 more than he did on all groceries, travels, things for the place, etc.
I also handle all the cooking, as I am a better cook and it’s a hobby of mine. With this, I handle the meal planning and grocery shopping. I work from home and he doesn’t so I usually do the laundry since I’m home. We do weekend trips to check out the area a lot, and he drives, but I do all the planning and researching and reservations, which usually requires at least 5 hours to fully plan during the week.
Because of all of this, I’ve started to think “what do I get out of this?”. I cook, grocery shopping, do the laundry, pay more than, gave up being near my friends and family for his job, and do all the planning for our weekends. I know when the day comes that we have a dog or even kids way off in the future, he’ll be a big help with that, but in our current situation I can’t help but think he really is the lucky one and if anything living together just costs me more money and time to help take care of him.
I also want to note, he does always do the dishes after dinner, and offers to cook, but his dinners are usually something very basic that I don’t like (spaghetti and jar sauce). He will sometimes jump on the doing laundry, but he leaves my clothes for me to fold and put away because he says he doesn’t know where they go, whereas I always put his clothes away (it’s not that hard to learn where I organize my clothes).
I know he is willing to help more, but I don’t know how to bring this up or where to even ask for more help? Even just things like a massage or making tea for me at night would be an emotional support thing that would be nice, but usually when he gives me a massage he’s ask for one right back. So I kinda start thinking we’re back to being 50/50 on massages, and that doesn’t make up for me doing 95% of the cooking and cleaning.
I love my boyfriend and don’t want to resent him, but it’s hard currently to think that this situation isn’t way better for him than it is for me. What can I do to prevent resenting him? Should I suggest he learns to cook better or anything like that?
TLDR:
I handle the cooking, cleaning, planning of our social events, and contribute more financially while my boyfriend and I live together. What can I suggest we change so I don’t go on to resent living with him?