I M(22) started talking to my neighbor F(19) last week. We’ve seen each other once in a while before but never had full conversations. I recently left a toxic 1.5 year relationship and I am currently not looking for anything at all. Last week I saw her at the store she works at and she immediately started talking to me. The convo progressed into sensual stuff and how she thinks I’m very attractive and carry myself confidently. I asked her what happened with her relationship with her bf. She told me they hadn’t talked for days and she kept texting him but he would never answer her. She then asked for my number because she wanted me to show her how to save money, invest, learn about emotions, etc. I gave her my number but she kept sticking her tongue out at me and admiring me. I thought this was gonna turn into something casual which I am not mad at.
She ended up coming over that same night and we talked for a long time all the way till the next day. I couldn’t even sleep for work. That night we made out but didn’t hook up. I told her I don’t want a relationship and I value my peace. I like being single because I can do what I want now and she told me she understands and she appreciates my honesty but she wants something else with me. She said she wants to be friends at least and I agreed. The next day she came over and she started making out with me and we both gave each other head. At some point I started to question what was going on. She doesn’t want to have sex until I make her my girlfriend because she doesn’t want to feel used and I told her she doesn’t have to hang out with me like that. She told me it’s because I treat how she wanted her bf to treat her. I don’t know if it’s the way I carry myself but everytime I tell a woman I don’t want anything serious that’s when they start falling in love with me. Even older ladies have fallen in love with me and I start feeling bad.
I told her to make up her mind. You can’t keep coming over and making out with me but also trying to hold on to that hope that I’ll make you my girlfriend. Don’t get me wrong she’s absolutely beautiful, funny, and energetic but im not in the right mental space to want something serious. Plus she hasn’t fully broken up with her bf and they haven’t talked for over a week now. I told her for her own sake to leave because the guy doesn’t care about her. She sees me doing that as me caring a lot about her and asks why can’t I wife her up. I told her it won’t make sense for me to get into one a month after I just left a toxic one. I need time and also it doesn’t make sense in her case too cuz then I’m being used as a way to fill the void the guy left.
She slept over last night again and all we did was make out. I feel like she’s holding on to the idea and I also think I’m enabling it even though I tell her I don’t want to kiss her. I’ll be moving some point next year and I don’t want to do any ldr as my last one was an ldr.
How do I change this dynamic? We might be going to the same college this fall too. If you need more info let me know.
EDIT: I dont want to get into a relationship with for the sole purpose of having sex that’s vile. She’s getting attached and I don’t want her to fall in love with me which she already is. She tells me she’s gonna be a great gf to me and how I make her wanna be a great person in general and while I don’t deny that I just can’t do it.