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I’ve read a number of dating stories on reddit that mention hours of phone or text communication right off the bat, followed by these hours-long conversations in-person where people just instantly click and there’s no pauses in the conversation.
Admittedly I’m neurodivergent but like… how. Lol even with friends I’ve known for nearly 15 years I can sometimes struggle to think of what to say in one-on-one conversations. How do you all have the energy for these marathon conversations?
I’ve been dating someone for roughly 2 weeks now, seeing them most days. We knew each other beforehand because we tended to walk dogs at the same time as each other. One day, she told me that she was distracted lately and she couldn’t stop thinking about me. I was a bit hesitant at first (due to details I’m going to leave out of this post), but I eventually decided to give it a chance.
And… well, I’m glad I did. We just spent Sunday at the beach; it just felt so nice to hold her hand and be with her. Later that night, we talked and opened up some more and it made me feel warm inside. I think, before this, I had been keeping my walls up a bit on my emotions for fear of getting hurt. I think I’ve felt them starting to come down a bit and it’s both scary and exciting at the same time.
I am currently staying in a country where Bumble isn’t used much and if you have people on it they barely post any pics, I match with this one girl with 2 pics: one of her wearing sunglasses so cant really tell what she really looks like and then wastes pic # 2 on a outdoor pic. I chat yadda yadda get a good conversational flow and then suggest meeting up sometime and transitioning to WhatsApp.
She gives me her number and I message and it feels to this point as if I am putting most of the work, she isn’t saying anything interesting and putting any initiative. At the same time I get to see a pic attached to her WhatsApp without the shades and she isn’t attractive at all. At this point I dont know why I should be trying when she isnt even trying. 2 days go by and she isnt messaging but she then decides to unmatch me on the app. As if I was sketchy but in reality she didnt even put any effort into getting anything going. To tell you the truth, I was going to stay with my word and try to set up something like a simple meet at a coffee shop or something but after seeing her nerve to unmatch me like that, I am not even going to bother even though I could still contact her on WhatsApp if I liked.
My experience with 24hrs of Feeld so far:
– many likes, a few matches and guys that don’t send the message first/don’t respond when I do (basically – same as every app)
– 90% of the people aren’t single and it’s impossible to filter them out
– too many profiles with no bios/no pics – super low effort (again, just like the other apps)
– there are people on this app that have been using the same pics since the last time I was on it which was 5 years ago. Why?! Get new pics.
Trying to stay optimistic, but also, I am not
Got a date set up from Bumble for Thursday. She is exactly my type (artist, crafter, seems very cute).
Going to take her to a nice cocktail bar we both know. I hate the lull between setting up the date (yesterday) and the actual date for Thursday…
Still reeling from the woman from the other day that told me she didn’t want anything serious (just like rest of them lol).
I had the loveliest date last night, after 5ish months of not dating at all. He was so sweet and polite, and didn’t even try to kiss me at the end.
It was just so nice to be treated respectfully by a man.
Just answered a thread on here from a few days ago (largely because I like the sound of my own voice, I think that thread was mostly dead at this point). It’s given me a little bit of perspective that my dating “stats” for this year are really not as awful as they **feel** like they are.
I’m still stuck with a complete absence of dates from the last two months, and also only very uninspiring matches. But at the same time, I need to try and remember that I’ve had good stretches before, so maybe I’ll get some more!
Hopefully I don’t have to spend the rest of this year reassuring myself of that though…
I just really, really, really want to find my person. Please universe/whatever entity, nothing would make me happier. This is (desperate) manifestation, lol.
I am booked on speed dating for next Thursday.
My ex does not know this and decided to reconnect with me this weekend.
So now he has until next Thursday to decide if we are back on I guess. I still care about him but I absolutely won’t be messaging him while trying to start something new. I would love us to work out but also all common sense tells me he wants to have his cake and eat it and have a boundaryless relationship where we do whatever while lonely but only when it suits him. And yet he does nice things for me unprompted. It’s been like a goddamn Amy Winehouse album over here.
I don’t think he is a bad person at all, quite the reverse but I do think he’s commitmentphobic and making me pay for the sins of his exes.
Please talk some sense into me. Dating this woman for 2 months now, but now it’s getting more serious I’m also getting more anxious, specifically about texting.
I constantly check my phone if she responded and whether she saw my message. She’s a slow texter but still within a day and pretty consistent since the start.
I feel this dread she doesn’t like me anymore despite all the evidence pointing the other way (literally got invited to spend the night yesterday).
Please talk some sense into me before i mess it up
3 more days until I’m officially sterilized. The thoughts/worries about if I’m making the right choice are setting in. At this point I think I’ll never be 100% sure.
Slowly getting back on the apps.
Prior to this year, I never spoke about how long I was single/prior relationships until I met in person. (What I’m looking for yes, but not previous relationships)
Why are so many men asking how long I’ve been single?!?!? Does it matter to them that much?!?!? I can understand not wanting to be a rebound but my god I feel like I’m a villain every-time I match and they ask me that (for the record they slow fade to ghost or unmatch after my answer, which usually ends with how about you how long have you been single)
Maybe I’m being prudish or old-fashioned, but I just don’t think a playful tickle or soft bite is something a just-“friend” would do.
The more I have sex with other people, the more I am sure my ex-husband was/ is asexual. He’s not sure where he fits on the spectrum and I honestly don’t really understand the distinctions because every time I read a description of “allosexuals” I think “this sounds like the sexuality of a man in a porno” and having an unrelatable baseline makes it hard to get other nuances. But there is just a carnality with other people that I never felt from him. And I always felt something was missing, but how could I know, cause he was my first? (Don’t worry fam, I’ve really pumped those numbers since then). And, at the time we met, I was on so many SSRIs, I wasn’t feeling a lot of physical attraction either.
Now that I’ve been with people I’m extremely attracted to, I don’t think I can go back to “well this is nice, but I don’t want you specifically.” I need the “omg I want to rip your clothes off the second I see you” I’ve had, especially with these last two guys, at least in the early stages.
I’ve probably been with four guys I was REALLY attracted to now and they’re mostly different than the men who I see in my app feed (though I did meet one on Bumble). The conversation is often easy (though sometimes not) but it doesn’t bounce around the way it does with my friends (or ex) (which is now something I associate more with ADHD than anything; I don’t have ADHD but I do have the train track jumping thought process). It doesn’t always feel like we “click” in terms of conversation chemistry, especially at first, but there is something about their energy, where I feel like I can tell them intimate things. It’s quieter. We’re quieter together.
It made me realize I have/had a mental block where I didn’t really think I was supposed to feel this sort of intense chemical attraction to a guy who is boyfriend material (for me; not a comment on the caliber of any men in general). Some of that is probably the whole mystery is erotic and familiarity is not of it all. But I also wonder like… if there’s more going on in my head. Am I still attracted to people who aren’t quite emotionally available. With three of these guys, a monogamous relationship wasn’t in the cards. All for different reasons (one vacation fling; one lived in another city, albeit the next closest major city (we matched by chance when we were both traveling), and one was exploring polyamory). With the guy I’m seeing now, it is on the table, so I guess that’s growth on my part (becoming more emotionally available) but we’re taking it very slow practically speaking. And our relationship is like… the exact opposite of the one I had with my ex. He is soooooo communicative during sex and relatively reserved the rest of the time, though we did have a lot more normal pillow talk after last time. I guess time will tell if he’s slow to warm up or emotionally unavailable.
I can live with us sleeping together exclusively for awhile, if he doesn’t end up wanting a serious relationship. (He doesn’t want to officially be exclusive yet but he’s explicitly not sleeping with anyone else. Weird, I know, but I get the sense it’s more the taking it slow thing than anything).
TL;DR: It’s really weird learning what an intense physical attraction feels like in my mid 30s, but I’m enjoying the process. It is making me rethink a lot of what I’m supposed to want and making me realize just how much I *don’t* feel a connection when I have easy, platonic feeling conversations with people. That’s not really what people say to go after during dating, but I’ve also got the opposite life experience of most. I was with someone I had a great intellectual connection with for 16 years, so I’m like yeah, how about fucking this time?
DAE experience men who put in a lot of effort in action but hold back on verbal commitment? I always thought actions speak louder than words, but in my recent dating scenario the guy did a lot of boyfriend-y things, planned elaborate dates, called me often and checked in on me every day, was affectionate, did future talk, brought me to meet and hang with his best friends, yet he didn’t want to define the relationship (and we never had sex, so no he’s not after sex), while I began to feel like we were already in one. I had no doubt in his interest and attraction to me. Eventually he claimed that while he does like me a lot a part of him believes we’re both in different areas of our lives and he worries his “independent nature and lifestyle” may not be the kind of connection and level of intimacy I’m seeking. In the past his “independence” has always caused issues because he prefers to have more personal time than his partners required. Honestly, in retrospect I think he showed a bit of a single person mindset (doesn’t want to compromise at all for relationships), but I initially thought I found a good partner bc how he always showed up through actions. I guess actions alone are not enough. :/
I’m starting to date again, you might see that in my post history. I’m good with dating and open to something serious, but I’m kind of insecure about my capabilities sex-wise so I don’t want to rush it. How would you women deal with it if say, there was makeout, but your date would tell you that they are not ready for sex on the first date. Would it come out as too serious looking? Again I’m open to a relationship, but I don’t want to rush anything so I don’t want to give vibes that I need something serious to move forward, but I also don’t want to feel obligated to have sex too quickly.
Been working on building my confidence this past week and have sort of leaned into this crush I’ve had on a woman since January. I was hoping it would die off because I haven’t been in a successful relationship in years, but it hasn’t. We have mutual friends and we all get together often for board game nights or whatever activity we choose to do.
And she and I get along great. We have a lot in common. I’m hyping myself up to our mutual friend and he basically told me “yeah no offense, but she’s too attractive for you”. I’m not hideous, but I’m not super handsome either. I’m just average looking. So now I’m back to square one. It was nice while it lasted I guess.
His inconsistent communication made it so difficult for me to connect, so I ended it yesterday. Of course there’s the wondering if I should have given it more time but I was just getting more and more anxious about it as time went by. I’ll add consistent communication to the list. I ended up deleting the apps, I need to focus on the CPA exam for the time being and this was definitely distracting me from it.
I’m a single mom.. is it really weird that I don’t want to meet on weekdays with someone who wasn’t at my home at all?
On weekdays either my kid is with me, or I’m working overtime to make sure I’ve got time for my kid when I’ve got my kid in the home. I am tired from working long days and as long as we’re not officially dating, I don’t really want to meet during weekdays.
I feel like men don’t always grasp that? Is it me that is weird?
This guy I’ve seen twice.. he’s forward about liking me and that’s good, but he knows I’m not there yet, he’s trying to “let me know when you’re on your way home I’ll see you on route” and “Oh you’re going to the shop after your hours, I’ll be there too” like.. dude.. let me live my life in peace? 🤣
I am feeling so terribly hopeless today about my love life. It’s only been a month since we broke up, but the ROI has not been great for me these past four years. Had a lot of fun, sure, but nothing was ever substantial. I’m tired of adding chapters to my life. I want the whole novel already.
My intrusive thoughts were that we should sign up for the next Hyrox together. But after the HIIT class today, I’m like nah fam, not for me lol
Yesterday I sent a voice note to my boyfriend and after I’ve said bye, finished recording and saw it sent, an ‘I love you’ escaped out loud. I said it to the silence in my room, only the dog heard me, while he was at his, late at night. It felt nice and somewhat scary. I started hearing it in the back of my head when he’s being his amazing self lately.
I’m not ready to say it to him just yet, I think I’m still at the stage in which it’s all bubbling and taking form, building. The feeling are definitely there, they’re just taking shape and solidifying. It feels almost tangible. Like I can reach and feel this lump of love forming in my chest.
We only met fairly recently. In June I didn’t know he existed. In August I think I love him. Though we’ve probably spent more time together than most couples do in 3-4 months by now in terms of hours with each other and quality time, so it doesn’t feel ‘too early’ or anything. We’re intense people, it makes sense. Plus with this month being so damn eventful for me in terms of changes and everything that happened, all while he’s been so helpful and supportive, it feels like this didn’t just happen, it’s all so justified. He is just a very good person. The heart on this man feels like it should be the mould people are made of. It’s nice to see. I enjoy him so so much.
We’re gong away this weekend. First time away together. Not international travel or anything, and nothing too long, just two days and a night away in London, but I’m EXCITED!!! I’m going to take him to see all my favourite things. So much art!
I got asked out in person the other day and didn’t even register what had happened until after I got home (whoops). Was at a social thing a friend’s new partner was throwing and one of their friends asked me out to dinner after and I just went on autopilot and told him I needed to go home because I’d meal prepped for the week. Got home and was like “… wait a minute.”
We’re not compatible (he’s poly like a lot of that friend’s friends, I am not) so it’s fine but it’s made me aware that I’m bad at telling if people are interested. Now I’m wondering if I’ve ever blown off other people and not even noticed. 😬 How do you get better at picking up on this stuff?
Looking for advice. Wondering if this is something I should talk to partner about. my mom was recently diagnosed with cancer and it has been very hard on me navigating all of the talks w doctors etc. on her behalf as she’s overwhlemed. I have been crying pretty much nonstop in the weeks since as I try to put on a brave face for my family. My BF of over a year has been really supportive during this time, and I have no complaints with him.
His family however, is a different story. It was BF’s bday approx 4 days after my mom was diagnosed, and his family wanted to have a big celebratory dinner for him. Given what was going on w my mom, being around a happy family was really triggering for me, so with BF’s approval I decided to sit this one out and we celebrated privately with just the two of us instead.
I found out recently that his parent’s made some comment after the dinner basically suggesting they didn’t understand why I wasn’t able to be there. they saw me later that night (I came over later and made the effort to say hi) and said I “seemed fine then.” (for the record: they know my mom has cancer)
Not one of BF’s family members has reached out to me since my mom’s diagnosis (its been approx 3 weeks since) and I am feeling really hurt by that. BF has said his family lacks empathy in general, but I’m wondering if this is something you’d just manage feelings around on your own, or should I share my hurt feelings w BF? (I don’t expect him to try to fix or change anything, I just feel kind of hurt by his family’s actions) 🙁
Just a rant about Hinge – why can’t they list the city the person lives in along with the neighborhood? The neighborhood alone is not helpful! Downtown. Which one?? Which city? My city? Or another one?
The lack of a healthy and connected family is often a red flag for women I date. It’s very challenging to navigate. Also I tend to overshare some things related to my past per their request that seems to push them away.
I feel like I ruined good momentum with a woman recently as a result. I just feel like being myself too soon is unappealing despite being a very open person…
I got into a discussion with some guys over the AskMenAdvice sub yesterday and dear Lord I feel like I’ve got a lot more understanding on what toxicity you ladies have to deal with.
I just offered my positive experience with dating events, as I’ve had nothing but positive experiences with those. But I was quickly met with hostility, words getting put in mouth/getting twisted, ridicule and whatnot by what I assume bitter men.
Stay single ladies. Jesus.