I (26M) have been seeing a woman (25F) for about six months. Recently, I found out she lied to me about her past—though she insists it was with good intentions. I genuinely believe she would have told me eventually (she currently works with him but is just about to leave, and she was going to tell me as soon as she was out which I believe), but I can’t shake the fact that she still lied.
She has a close male friend, let’s call him C. Early on, I asked if anything romantic had ever happened between them. She denied it every time, so I trusted her and moved on. Four months later, under some pressure from me, she admitted that C kissed her on New Year’s while he was still with his girlfriend (who he’s still dating now). She swears nothing else happened, and I believe that part. The kiss was led on by the fact that he was the only one who cared for the woman I’m now seeing after she was cheated on, and she leaped on to any validation she could get.
Her reason for not telling me sooner was that she wanted me to meet C first without being biased against him, since they’re still friends today. Nothing romantic anymore. She hoped I’d integrate into her friend group before she told me the truth. I can understand her logic, but it still feels like a betrayal. Now I can’t help but wonder if there are more lies I haven’t uncovered.
To complicate things, she also told me she once hooked up with a coworker she still sees regularly, though she insists it’s strictly professional now. He also had a girlfriend, and she knew this. Meanwhile, I’ve even been out for drinks with her, C, and C’s girlfriend—who apparently forgave this whole situation—yet I feel like it was just swept under the rug.
Beyond this, I already have some concerns about her promiscuous past, her immaturity and impulsiveness, and certain questionable decisions (unrelated, but relating to finances, messiness, shopping problems etc.). This new revelation feels like the final straw. She says I’m the best partner she’s ever had and calls this her first “healthy relationship,” but I can’t get past her past or the dishonesty. I previous had a relationship of 7 years.
She was previously cheated on which led to her ‘reckless’ behaviour though she insists she is different now. She wrote me a huge letter explaining the facts and an apology, and even went to see a psychologist after she hooked up with a guy who had a kid on the way out of guilt. But, this just shows she acts impulsively and doesn’t consider the long term. I feel like I should walk away, but part of me wonders if I’m being too harsh. Is this relationship already over?