So I (29m) struggle to open up.
I would say a lot of it has to do with my self worth etc. If I am in a social situation, I will not open up much which will result in dead kind of conversations as everything will kinda just be surface level stuff. My reasoning as to why I do not open up will either be because I think people do not care, do not want to hear it or I because I do not have anything of value to share or I have a lot things in my life that I am not proud of.
For example, say at work people are curious about my life. Naturally as I have been there a while, integral to the team but rarely share anything actually about myself lol. So if they ask if I am married, I say maybe because I used to be and I have told some people before I was but now I am divorced. Sometimes those people have asked how is your wife and I will continue as if I was still married. Now a lot of those people have left the business and now I tell people I am single which is true, but it has taken me years to finally tell people that at work. Because I don’t want to get into it, I know I don’t have to but I don’t even want that question on peoples minds I don’t know.
Another example is that I am quite cynical. So even if someone says they care, I will heavily doubt it and think they are just saying that or they have to say that or whatever. Which I know has held me back a lot and made my social life near non existent with both work, friends and even family.
I keep a lot of secrets and usually just try to deal with things myself. Which is actually how I keep messing things up, because sometimes I do need help. Realising this and reflecting, I do want to open up more but to be honest I do not how to go about it. I am challenging myself to be more social, and get myself out there more. But I find as I step out and go to a social setting, I have very surface level conversations only because I convince myself with 1000 reasons why I shouldn’t share anything or do not know what to share etc. Any help is much appreciated!