Hi everyone,
I’ve been struggling with something in my relationship and I’m not sure what to do anymore.
My fiancé and I have been living together for about a year now. Every time I go out (which is usually to do something small like shopping or dinner with friends) he gets upset. I always tell him in advance where I’m going and who I’ll be with, but it still turns into a problem.
Recently he told me that’s not how a “house woman” should act, and that I shouldn’t go out unless it’s necessary (like groceries or doctor appointments). Right now the only exception he makes is for me to visit my family.
I don’t have many examples of a healthy marriage in my life, so I really don’t know what is normal. I love him and I’ve tried to respect how he feels, but the truth is I’m starting to feel trapped. I don’t want to lose my friendships or feel like I can’t have a life outside of our relationship. I’ve explained to him that I really do think it’s healthy for both of us to have time with friends, especially since we’re so young, but he dismisses my feelings and insists this is how a relationship should be.
I know he tends to overthink and I try to reassure him as much as I can. The friends I hang out with are girls, and I’ve never done anything for him to not trust me, so I’m not sure where exactly this is coming from.
I’m torn… how can I approach this situation? Has anyone been through something similar?
13 comments
1. Y’all are too young to even be thinking about getting married.
2. Trying to isolate you from your friends and essentially keep you chained up in the house is **abusive behavior**.
3. If he’s that controlling and sexist now, just imagine what it will be like if you *do* marry him. I’d be getting the fuck out, life is too short to waste on assholes.
Oh my god that is so controlling. My husband is actually trying to do the opposite and get me out of the house and hang with some friends. My ex trapped me in his family’s home for an entire year. I wasn’t even allowed to go see my family. He forced me to be with him 24/7 and then he’d say he’s a man so he’s allowed to go out with friends and family but I was not because I’m a “woman”.
Honestly that relationship literally traumatized me and I was 21 yrs old when we got together. I didn’t even know I could get traumatized again after the shit I went through in my life.
My husband’s job rn is undoing all the stuff he caused to me. Girl id say u should leave. I Joe stay thought it was completely normal until I met my husband and he is so understanding he never doubts me and he is happy when I go out with friends and family.
Oh boy. Just run. This is insane.
If you don’t want to be a “house woman” and slowly lose every freedom you have, don’t marry this man. He’s not going to listen to reason because he already doesn’t see you as his equal.
NTA and please get away from this manipulator! I can send you 100 links to relationship stories that started just like this and they never end well. First he’ll isolate you from your friends. Next your family will be ‘in the way.’ Please listen. This is ABUSE. He’s trying to control your every move and it’s dangerous. Do not mistake this as ‘love’ because it’s not. If you stay with this person the abuse will very likely escalate to physical violence to ‘keep you in line’ and I promise you I am not exaggerating. Oh my GOD PLEASE RUN!
How the hell is it the year 2025 and people are still getting engaged at ages 20 and 19? This isn’t the 1700s. Life isn’t a race.
And here’s a perfect example of why you shouldn’t do that. He is trying to isolate you from your friends. This will only get worse as time goes on. Call off your engagement now, or enjoy being miserable for life.
And side note: stop thinking about it as “what is normal,“ and start thinking about it instead as “what you want.“ Do you want to hang out with your friends? Then a spouse who wants to isolate you from your friends, is not the right person for you. It is extremely simple. Don’t be with somebody who is keeping you from doing things that you want to do.
WOW. You need to run from this “man.” You two are barely old enough to be considered adults. He hasn’t finished growing or maturing, but the person he’s growing into seems to be a jealous, controlling, sexist human being. Is that who you want to end up with? Dump this guy. Move into your own place. Enjoy life and dating for fun. By the time you’re actually old enough to settle down, you should have enough experience to know what you do and don’t want.
Before I get into my advice, can you let me know how you feel about the idea that you’ll spend the rest of your life as someone’s livestock – er, excuse me, “house woman”?
Typically people dont do the right things or have a past of untrustworthy acts. Though you’ve done everything from your end to continue a healthy relationship. He shouldn’t be able to control your life because thats what he wants. What he should want is a supportive and loving fiance which he has. So why not give a little freedom to actually continue friendships. You gain emotional and sexual support from your partner, but you garner a different type of attention that your partner most of the time can’t replicate which 100% normal. I would just give him the option that you can maintain the relationship if the freedom can be given, but if he’s truly uncomfortable with it then he can explain himself on why he isn’t comfortable with it, but if its just because I want. You need to make the decision do I give up my social life for my love or my love for my social life? Regardless that shouldn’t have to be a decision to begin with…
Yeah that’s called abusive and unhealthy. I’d break up Pronto
An example of a healthy marriage would be your parents each taking two of his limbs, and testing which two he is least attached to.
With that probably not being an option, leave yesterday. Fuck that “house woman” bullshit with a red hot poker.
Please for the love of god do not marry into this.
Being in a relationship doesn’t mean you tie yourself to a chain and never leave the house. Your relationship shouldn’t come at the cost of your entire social life… Your partner should encourage you to spend time with your friends because you enjoy their company. Wanting the best for you.
This marriage has nothing but misery written all over it.
Your bf is a manipulator and controller.
He’s not good for you.
He will isolate you like he is currently trying to do.
Give the ring back and piss right off from this relationship. This is toxic.
You can handle this by having one less fiancé.
So, first off, this does not have to be normal. You can hold out for a fiancé who trusts you. And, frankly, you _should_ hold out for a fiancé who trusts you. The person you marry should make it easier for you to live your life, not harder — and, whether your husband likes it or not, you both can and should have friends, and part of the support he needs to provide you is in making it easier for you to spend time with them. That is, of course, assuming he wants you to be an actual human being, and not some sort of house slave.
Ultimately, if he’s really trying to hold you back like this, the only possible reason is dysfunction. Either he grew up in a misogynistic environment which believes that women shouldn’t have lives outside the house, or he’s deeply insecure about his place in your life. If it’s the second one, he proposed to you for the wrong reasons: his intention is not to be a part of your life but rather to make sure you are a part of his. He’s thinking solely about what you can do for him. If he was thinking about what he can do for you, he’d know that he is utterly irreplaceable, and that you wouldn’t trade him for another even if that other person paid you — and therefore he wouldn’t be insecure. And I guess that opens up a third possibility: that he’s just absurdly ignorant about how relationships even work. But in all three cases, are you sure you actually want to attach yourself to this man for the rest of your life?
And, yeah, what if he changes. But what if he _doesn’t_? Don’t marry who you hope he becomes, marry who he _is_. Or, _don’t_ marry who he is, if you don’t like that person.