So I just had an argument with a friend and I’d like some outside perspective. He randomly texted me making a comment about a girl we both know, basically saying she was “so chopped/ugly.” The thing is, this girl is my friend, and I didn’t appreciate him disrespecting her like that. He also claimed not to have known that we were close but has seen her on my story multiple times and in my house. Bear in mind, he first of all reacts to me saying she’s also my friend so he can’t be rude with: “who knew you first? So now she’s closer to you than me that when i talk about someone how i talk about everyone else u expect an apology”. I told him that if he doesn’t have anything nice to say about people I’m close to, he shouldn’t say anything at all. To me, it felt like common sense because you don’t insult someone’s friend directly to them.
Instead of just saying “my bad” or acknowledging it, he got defensive. He laughed it off, refused to apologize at first, and kept saying things like I had an “attitude” and was “searching for something.” He eventually gave a half-apology (“sorry that I called your friend ugly”) but made it sound sarcastic. Then he doubled down and told me that around me, he feels like he has to “walk on eggshells” because I’m “more sensitive” than his other friends. He claims he naturally talks bluntly/callously with people, but with me he has to filter himself more.
My issue is:
1. He can freely say harsh things to me (like calling someone chopped), so clearly he’s not walking on eggshells that much.
2. Adjusting how you talk depending on the person is literally normal in friendships. it’s just respect. Why does it have to be framed like a burden?
3. Instead of focusing on what he said about my friend, he shifted the focus to me being sensitive, which feels like deflection.
I told him we should talk it out on a call instead of dragging it over text, but I keep thinking about it. From my perspective, I don’t think I was out of line to expect him not to insult my friend. But he seems to feel like I overreacted and made it bigger than it needed to be.
So now I’m wondering: was I actually being too sensitive about this, or is he minimizing his own behavior by framing me as the “sensitive” one?