Amazing guy, no chemistry?

44 comments

1. If sex is a major deal breaker for you, then do both of you a favour and leave.

   I pose the question of “are you okay with mediocre sex for the rest of your life if everything else is amazing?”. If the answer is yes, then continue dating.

2. You cannot create chemistry, move on.

3. Just cos a guy does a lot of effort, doesn’t mean you owe him your attraction and time you have to comply

4. That happens sometimes. Chemistry is a strange thing that is unpredictable. Sometimes you have it with someone you don’t expect and sometimes you don’t have it with someone it seems that you should.

   If that’s missing, I think friendship is probably the best path. Both of you will likely end up frustrated by the lack of sex if you continue with a romantic relationship but the sexual chemistry isn’t there. 

5. You’re in your early 20s, you definitely don’t have to and shouldn’t settle for bad sex.

   Just move on and try to be gracious about it since you otherwise like him.

6. No chemistry will not lead to a satisfying life, even with the other boxes checked off. In this scenario you may eventually cheat to get your needs met. This feeling of not wanting to hurt him because he’s otherwise a great guy will create resentment both ways. Already you aren’t interested in sex with him. And will bet you, when this great guy thinks about a fulfilling relationship for him, it would include a partner who likes being intimate with him. Staying not to hurt his feelings will not achieve that. And staying because he makes you -otherwise – happy, will mean a life of being -otherwise – happy. No chemestry. Can’t be helped. Not a match.

7. It’s either there or it’s not

8. Leave now. Then you will be stuck in a sexless relationship.

9. I’m seeing a lot of people talking about the importance of chemistry and while that’s right, there’s a couple things I’ve noticed from my own experiences in dating.

   First, almost all relationships have a chemistry expiration date — they eventually become old hat and you both have to work to spice it up again.

   Second, contrary to popular belief, you can produce chemistry that isn’t there initially. You don’t want to do this with juat anyone, but in your case, maybe it’s worth exploring. Any number of things can add hiccups to chemistry — is he (or you) in his/your head? Are you both paying adequate attention to foreplay (starts long before the bedroom)? You shouldn’t have sex with him if you/your body doesn’t want it and you 100% should talk to him about this and open the door to find out what’s going on/lacking between the two of you. If you can’t have honest conversations about sex/intimacy with your partner, you’ll never be able to solve the chemistry problem, that’s the truth. Good chemistry comes from much more than just “knowing” — often times it comes from honest feedback.

10. It’s only been 2 months. You are still learning each other. If 9 out of 10 things about him are perfect for you, I’d give it a little more time. But that’s just my opinion.

11. Sex therapist…?

12. No dude would ever consider this. Break it off so he can find someone who he can make cum. Two months is enough time wasted.

13. Sexual chemistry is a deal breaker. My ex and I didn’t have a lot of sexual chemistry. He made me orgasm but I never got excited to have sex with him. Like….ever. It was always a chore for me. Something to check off a list. I will NEVER get into a relationship like that again. It needs to be amazing sex for me to continue.

14. Time is valuable

15. Chemistry comes and goes in long term relationships and marriages. If you need Chemistry to sustain you in a relationship God help you, you will never be happy. Sex is always important but becomes less a priority the longer you’re together. You know how to get better at sex? Have more sex and learn to Communicate what you want. Most men want to their GFs to be satisfied.

16. Haha, I can’t help but laugh. Sometimes, this is why I believe people don’t want anything serious.

    So, what matters to you? Do you value a reliable partner or prefer to be tossed and turned? If it’s the latter, it’s time to let go of him and find someone who can provide you with the experience you desire.

17. What is it about the sex that isn’t working for you?

18. If I were you I would end it and move on. Sex is a very important part of a relationship for most people. And it sounds like a dealbreaker. I mean, you don’t even get wet anymore? Girl, no. How is he amazing then? He sounds like a horrible partner to me.

    Do you want to date a guy who sucks in bed? That’s a major dealbreaker for many women. I met a guy like this. He was extremely inexperienced. I was in late 30s he was in late 20s. I know he was nearly a virgin, couldn’t take him seriously really because he lied about it and presented himself as he knew what he was doing. He knew zero, nada. Late 20s is like their prime, I had sex with 20 something both when I was in teens and in my 20s and 30s. Can’t imagine being with a guy who sucks in bed. And not going to teach anything to a guy, I’m not his big sister, it’s a major turn off for me. He should know that already.

    I can tell you, when everything just dies relationship wise, if you can have great sex and great chemistry with your partner, it can last like a year+ purely based on lust without anything else when things are really screwed up in a relationship. And sometimes you can work on it while great sex is keeping us together.

    And I don’t believe in working on it unless you’re married with kids. Go find someone else. You’re too young to be stuck with a guy who is just wrong in bed. Nope. Find someone else.

19. Honestly, if the chemistry ain’t there, it ain’t there. You can’t force your body to be into it no matter how good he looks on paper. Better to cut it off now than stay stuck with “perfect guy” but dead bedroom vibes. You deserve the full package, not just half of it

20. Ime, sexual chemistry isn’t typically an immediate thing & takes more communication than ppl think to really get going. It helps tons when both can give & take some direction about likes & dislikes, boundaries, exploration & things to try. You can use apps or find articles on sex games to try, there’s books (“Come As You Are” & “The Guide To Getting It On” are really good) or even some board or card games to help zest things up.

    Also helps to have a convo about porn usage & if the things he’s trying are from what he sees on screen. I started my sexual exploration several yrs before internet porn really took off & omg, the stories I could tell lol. The kinds of nonsense I’ve had exes try after seeing something in porn have rarely been enjoyable in practice, but annoyingly common to see on screen. Pornstars are paid to fake interest, not educate. It’s way more fun to just be creative & explore rather than try to copy.

21. Chemistry isn’t a choice unfortunately. With that being said, it’s extremely hard to find someone that is going to be an “amazing person” and also rock your world in the bedroom. You’ll be compromising somewhere for sure. What you’re willing to sacrifice is up to you and what’s high up on your list with what you’re willing to deal with.

22. Amazing job being listed first is reason 47843672 why I don’t bother trying and stick to myself

23. But in time, you could lead to teaching him a better sexual approach, or you could not.

24. you are telling us behind lines that you are done. that’s something you must do, find someone who give you what you need.

    But also if I were that man I would love to listen that I have all girls want, just need to increase chemistry though.

    This way I would work hard on it.

25. Let the poor guy go and let him find someone who deserves him.

26. if it’s not working for you, you should look for someone who can give you what you need and want. however… if you really want to try and make it work, communication goes a long way, build tension, tell each other what turns you on, play games in the bedroom, that may help a little

27. Your body knows something you don’t Listen.

28. Doesn’t seem like the one, I would say end it sooner than later, if you aren’t happy in the current situation.

29. End it. Sex is a critical part of a relationship. If you aren’t into it after this amount of time he’s not the right one.

30. Have you tried sex therapy?
    Is he too nice/gentle?
    Have you tried role play?

31. Train him. Take the lead. You are half of the sex, you can make the sex good.

    2 months isn’t really enough time to say you’ve put in a good amount of effort. I think you’re giving up too quickly, and that’s a reflection on you as well. Why not improve together?

32. Stop wasting his time. Allow him to find someone who will value him as a person and not as a source of entertainment or a plaything.

33. I think you have one chance to fix it, and that’s by communicating really candidly about what you like.

    If you can’t or don’t want to do that, or if he’s not good at dealing with that feedback, things are doomed anyway.

34. If you prioritize sex over everything else in a relationship then sure

35. Sexual chemistry is fixable with intent on both sides. It just requires radically honest conversations. No way would I give up someone that’s ‘perfect” in every other way without that effort first.

36. Dump him, maintain that perfect guy criteria. Even if it takes 10 or 20 years.

37. I have forced myself to stay in relationships with “good” men who didn’t turn me on.  The thing is that you will make that sacrifice thinking it’s worth it to have a “good” man but inevitably he will be just a man and disappoint you in other ways as well. It is not worth it. Might as well have great sex until they fuck things up lol. 

38. I’m dealing with this with my current boyfriend of one year and let’s just say nothing’s changed and I’m not happy. It’s actually ruining our entire relationship even though everything else is good. As someone who values sex greatly in a relationship, I’ve come to the conclusion that I can’t be with someone who I’m not sexually satisfied with. We just don’t have that chemistry and he’s the only one getting anything out of it. I find myself not even attracted to him anymore, even if technically I do still find him physically attractive. After many talks and trying to get things to change, unfortunately nothing has and probably never will because he is who he is and I am who I am. We’re not in a good spot now because of it, probably on the verge of breaking up. My advice is don’t let it get that far.

39. “Your gut is often reading subtle cues your conscious mind has not processed yet,

    tone of voice, microexpressions, energy shifts.

    It is your built-in early warning system, and it’s saved more people than logic alone ever could.”

    Someone can be great on paper, but their energy is off to you, for someone else it may be great. This means your connection/compatibility is not good. Trust your gut.

    When I was 23 (I’m 32 now) I dated a guy named Ian. On paper he was perfect, attractive, smart, my parents loved him. But the sex was horrible, I got a UTI and yeast infection while dating him, never got one before or after. I’ve read if this happens, it’s usually your body warning you, it’s a sign of incompatibility. I used to tell him it hurt me when he did xyz sexually, and he kept doing it. I believe there was a deep unconscious side of him that wanted to harm me. I could pick up on it. It was hard to break it off, but I did and I never looked back. I can safely say looking back I probably wouldn’t have been happy with him and it’s even more obvious looking back he wasn’t the one. It’s so hard to reject people because it’s hard to find anyone these days tbh, but if you are already not feeling, you gotta trust your gut and move forward.

40. Sounds like you guys should maybe stick to friends lol

41. I dated a guy for a year who was some years older than and much more experienced and had the same situation. He was my first, and I chalked up the struggles and lack of chemistry to my lack of experience. But tbh, I would take it all back.

    His complexes related to sex and the utter lack of chemistry that happened, impacted how I related to others after breaking up. I had to put effort into unlearning stuff from that relationship. Especially unlearning to expect to feel pain, discomfort, or just a lack of enjoyment. I’m not having sex again where I can’t stay turned on, am not excited, or don’t have a partner who’s on the same wavelength.

    And also, just to say, not everything was perfect in my relationship, but I realized after it that I would break up with someone just because of a lack of physical chemistry.

42. Maybe give it more time….. As your relationship grows you will become more comfortable with each other. You can try to find positions that work for you. If you’re not repulsed by him, then he sounds like he’s worth the effort.

43. The reality is you are in your early 20s & have a long life ahead hopefully. There’s no reason to not be out dating to find who you’re compatible with. If you like him there’s no reason to not hang out with him & enjoy what is good about your relationship, but let him know it’s casual for now. I’m pretty old. I can’t even remember some of the people I went out with when I was your age. My point is you hopefully have a long time to find someone you want to share a life with. It’s too early to tie yourself down to him if it’s not 100% working for you. There are others out there that may be more compatible. But if you like him there’s no reason to completely shut him out if you think you may be able to work through the issues…

44. Exhaust all efforts trying to fix this, ALL efforts. You might never get a guy this awesome again. Even then at the end of those efforts I would consult with him and irl friends. Please do not just break up with this guy because the internet is telling you to!