I train MMA and have gotten to know a few guys at the gym pretty well. We joke around, share the same sense of humor, and I’ve even been introduced to more of their friends. One of them in particular I’d say we’re becoming good friends. We follow each other on Instagram, share memes, and I feel like we’re building a solid bond.
But I’ve noticed that trying to hang out outside of the hobby is really difficult. This isn’t just with MMA it’s happened with other social hobbies too. A few years ago, I used to go to a board game meetup, and I experienced the same thing. I sometimes wonder if I’m the problem, but I don’t think I come off as pushy. Usually, once I get to know someone, we exchange numbers or Instagram, and I’ll suggest doing something we’d both enjoy.
For example, a friend I met at the board game group was into games and anime, so I invited him to Comic-Con in London last year. He said he was down and even bought tickets, but when I followed up, he told me he was going with his other friends instead. No big deal but this kind of thing keeps happening. Whenever I suggest something, I either get an excuse or they end up hanging out with their established friend group.
I really enjoy my hobbies, but I also want to form deeper connections. I feel like I’m always just an acquaintance, even though I make an effort to talk and put myself out there.