I (25F) have been with my husband (28M) for four years and we have been married for a little over a year now. Our relationship is amazing. He is my best friend and I love him deeply.
My husband has been serving in the military for about seven years and he has always been dedicated to his career. Earlier this year he lost one of his closest friends to suicide which completely shattered his world. Watching him grieve was heartbreaking He was crushed and carried immense guilt.
A few weeks after he left for his current shift I found out I was pregnant. It was completely unexpected because we were careful and not trying. We had talked about starting a family eventually but it was not on the radar just yet. I was very scared and anxious. I had just started my new job and with my husband away having a baby in the middle of all that was not ideal.
But after a few appointments I started to love the idea of having a family. After everything he had been through, I thought this could be a blessing. I planned how I would tell him in a sweet, meaningful way when we were scheduled to meet up in a few weeks.
Then a couple of days after my second appointment where my OB told me things looked okay for such an early stage I started having complications. I ended up losing the baby.
I was devastated. I felt blindsided and betrayed. I had imagined this future with him coming home to me and our baby. I imagined the joy on his face when he found out and how this new chapter might help us both heal. Instead, I was left with immense grief and alone because I had not even told him yet.
I feel stupid because we had talked on the phone and a few video calls, but I never said anything. I wanted to surprise him in person and hug him when I told him this news. None of that would happen. I felt so heartbroken and alone. I did not have the courage to tell my husband about the miscarriage so I decided I would tell him once I came to terms with it. I know now that was not the best choice.
During this time my brother-in-law (my husband’s younger brother), who lived in the same city helped with some health insurance stuff which felt like such a relief. Given how emotionally fragile I was I did not think twice about accepting his kindness.
He began checking in regularly, offering to pick up groceries, dropping off food, even driving me to a couple of my follow-up appointments when I was too weak and emotionally wrecked to do it alone. He never pushed or pried. I thought he was just trying to help me and be a good friend. I was deeply grateful.
A few days ago he showed up with takeout from one of my favorite places. I had not eaten properly in days. I was emotionally drained and did not have the strength to say no.
During our conversation he said something about how lonely I must feel. I gave him a weak smile because it was true. I did feel lonely without my husband. We started talking about something else when he mentioned it again, to which I responded at least I have you just to show gratitude for his help these past weeks.
Then he said something along the lines of how I should not be alone and he could help me with that.
I felt weird because technically he had been helping me but it was his tone. It did not feel like kindness anymore. I stood up and went to the kitchen saying I had dishes to do trying to brush off the conversation.
A moment later I felt him behind me,so close I could feel his breath near my neck. I froze. Before I could turn around his hands were on me in ways that made my skin crawl. I said his name sharply trying to make it clear this was not okay. But he did not stop.
I will not go into detail because I am not comfortable even thinking about it. All I can say is that I pushed him off and was crying. I do not remember if I said the word NO but I was saying STOP. I was terrified and frozen. He kept telling me that I was grieving and that it was okay. I wanted him off me but I could not move or scream or do anything except cry.
Then I think I collapsed and fell to the floor which is when he backed off and looked at me in a way that made me feel even sicker. There was no guilt or panic in his eyes. I just kept shivering and hyper ventilating until he left. I locked every door after that and was just on the floor sobbing and shaking.
This was not some stranger. This was my husband’s brother. Someone who had seen me cry over the baby I lost. Someone who pretended to care. Someone I trusted.
It has been ten days. I feel dirty and broken. I keep having nightmares that all start with me opening the door for him. I regret letting him in. I throw up when I see the groceries he bought. I cannot get in my car because he drove it. I avoid the kitchen because that space feels haunted.
I know I should be grateful for the help he gave me but I do not feel any gratitude or anything positive for him anymore.
I have been thinking a lot about telling my husband, but I am terrified it will break him. He is already grieving so much. I know by not telling him I am making the same mistake I made with the pregnancy but I cannot bring myself to say the words.
I am close with my MIL and SIL, and I don't know how I could tell them. How do you tell a mother or sister something like this about the person they have loved and trusted their whole lives? What if they do not believe me? I don't think I could handle that.
I know none of this is my fault, but I keep blaming myself for accepting help or not seeing his true intentions. I just feel unsure and confused.
His brother is at the moment acting like nothing ever happened. Radio silence from him except he texted Am I okay and he's there if I need anything on seperate days. I didn't respond because it's just wierd how could he act like nothing happened and ask me that. I feel like my whole life was I don't even know. I know there is a lot to this situation that I don't have the energy to adress right now like changing locks or adding security measures, navigating our shared social circles,thinking about reporting this. I don't even know what to report like nothingreally happened but it also did. I don't know
I just want to focus on my husband at the moment and fix myself in time because I have to meet him this Saturday and he's going to know something is up the second he sees me. I've already postponed once and can't do it again.
I just want to know what wouldbe the correct way to handle this situation because I am going crazy.
TLDR: I got pregnant while my husband was away but miscarried before I could tell him. His younger brother who was helping me through the miscarriage crossed the line and assaulted me. I have not told my husband or his family. I am scared, confused, and don't know what to do.