My girlfriend (20F) and I (20M) have been together for 3 years. During this time, both of us moved to different countries. We’ve done kissing, foreplay, and oral, but we’ve never had intercourse.
About a year ago, I shared my cuckolding fantasy with her. Since then, we’ve talked about it often during intimate conversations. It always felt like she was indulging me rather than it being her own desire. Recently, though, we started discussing actually doing it but many times when it got close, I backed out.
Last night, she told me she’s attracted to a guy in her apartment who flirts with her, and she wants to act on it. Because of the distance, she doesn’t want to do it on camera but will tell me everything after. She asked me to promise there would be no consequences. In the moment, I agreed but now my doubts and anxiety are creeping back.
Here are my concerns:
- Not being her first. I always thought we’d be each other’s first, and that feels special to me.
- She’s the one asking. It used to be my fantasy, but now her desire makes me feel like I’ve lost control.
- Our intimacy being compromised. I fear that when we finally meet in 2 years, she might not find me “enough,” or I might not be able to connect to her fully.
- Losing her emotionally. We agreed this would be purely physical, and she tells me “nothing will change,” but I still worry she could grow attached to someone else.
My relationship with her is extremely precious to me, and I want this to bring us closer instead of pushing us apart. How do I navigate these doubts while exploring this fantasy in a safe way?