I need some help figuring out how to communicate with my husband.
Since having kids our sex life has slowed down almost to a total stop. We maybe have sex a handful of times per year, none of which end happily for me, most are totally out of obligation.
Backstory:
I have decided I don’t want to initiate anymore because honestly he crushed my self esteem. He constantly turned me down when I was with child because it “weirds him out” and then couldn’t accept I had some extra weight when said child was evicted. We were finally rekindling things when I was with another child. This second time where have been dead tired by the end of the day and not very interested in preforming except for one thing:
My husband is constantly asking for head. He would have it every day if he had it his way. He wants nothing else outside of that. Most of the time I just do it out of obligation but lately I’ve been saying no. Three weekends ago (early July) I talked to him and told him that this had to stop. That it can’t be one sided anymore. I have needs too and he isn’t fulfilling them. That’s the gist, I was very nice and didn’t berate him. His big excuse was that sex takes work…. I was rude but I jokingly told him boohoo so does head and you’re not getting it anymore. He asked daily for two weeks and I didn’t oblige so he actually put in the work. Mid July we had a nice day and actually did it twice and he got head once. We both agreed to be intimate every weekend (baring illness) for now on.
Well I had one good day. It’s been lock the door have a quickie while the kids are crying and fighting in the hallway and top him off. It’s the most sex we’ve had in 4 years and it has sucked. I can’t just flip a switch and go from cleaning shit of my son’s balls to tickling his. He doesn’t want to take time to do foreplay or tries to speed run it and honestly it hurts. By the time it stops hurting and I’m getting into it he’s done. He’s very proud that he can last longer than the average joe and sure he can but literally what’s the point?
He got pissy this morning because I turned his request down today. He said being told No is a huge turn off for him… No shit. Now he’s grumpy and is hardly talking to me. He argued that he’s been trying lately. Trying what???? He hardly gets me ready, doesn’t let me get into the right headspace, can’t follow simple instructions. When I say yes right there, keep doing that: DONT FUCKING CHANGE COURSE. boohoo your hand cramped; maybe open your mind to a tool that does the work for you. I’m honestly not sexually attracted to him like I was pre kids.
I’ve very frustrated with him. I’ve told him all of this as nicely as I could. I just don’t know how to get through to him.
(I had to sensor some words because the mods don’t like people talking about certain topics)