Hey guys so I’ve been seeing this guy who I thought was absolutely my type in terms of personality,looks and goals until he revealed his actual age as of last night. Initially for the first three weeks he told me was 22 (m), I am 22 (f)as well and last night about 10:30 he called me up and told me he wanted to get something off his head and asked me whether he could meet at my place abruptly. After 20ish minutes he comes with an absolutely guilt ridden face and confesses that he’s not 22 but he’s actually 19. This threw me off completely because dating a younger guy is actually one of my deal breakers, let alone dating someone who is in their teens. He told me the only reason he lied about his age is because he knew I would reject him on the basis of his age . But I’m also very conflicted on what to do because despite him being 19, he acts very mature, is very considerate and kind. Plus he also has a stable income as he works full time for his family business. Has anyone else had this experience and what are your thoughts on dating younger guys?
30 comments
Is there a reason age is a dealbreaker if he ticks all your other boxes? Girls date older because of the financial stability but you made a comment on how he has that so the only thing stopping you is an arbitrary number you yourself gave.
Thats not really that big of an age gap at all. Anyway it should depend on the persons character not the number…within reason obvz
You act like he is 14 or something, lol.
i also used to have the age thing as a deal breaker, but honestly it’s really not that deep. in my head, society was always telling me as a woman to date older, but if you like someone you like them. in this day and age it’s hard to find good men.
if you’ve got one, keep it.
No no no.
Wow, this whole scenario…
– Guy is worried that he’s too young and lies about age… With only 3 years difference.
– A 3 year younger is a deal breaker.
– Even age gap being a problem.
What the hell is wrong with you youngsters?
I had a 3 year older girlfriend for a while. We had the time of our lives. Not only was she older… She was taller too…
Seriously, be happy you even find people who will date you in earnesty. 🤦
The only problem I see here is the young lad lied about his age and worried about it. This shows he’s not confident about that part instead of owning it.
The lying is a deal breaker for me. I don’t even like it when someone lies about drinking enough water every day. When I was young and lied about being older, I only did it to people I expected to never see again. Now as a 35 year old woman, I’ve met older guys who lie about being younger. It never ends 🤷♀️
Girl. Good men are hard to come by, much less young men who aren’t useless or immature. If he already has a good head on his shoulders and you’re attracted to him then why would you question it? 3 years is NOTHING in the grand scheme of things. He’s not proposing, he wants to date you.
Take the chance. If he turns out to not be a good fit for a valid reason, break up with him. Don’t set yourself up to be wondering what he’s doing 10 years from now.
The youth factor is fine, but this isn’t a little lie. He’s already confessed that it stemed from a fear of rejection or a belief that he’s not good enough as he is, a 19 y/o. This might be a sign of deeper insecurities that could affect the relationship in other ways.
I dated a guy once that did this, and there were plenty more lies to follow. In the end I’ve always said had he not lied his way into my life, I wouldn’t have been in the position I was at the end.
Just be warned, it is a red flag.
Interesting.
Recently got back in touch with a friend. He’s now dating a Woman for the last 4 years. First thing I found out was that he said he was 49 to her, he’s 56.
I replied…So he lied then!!!
🤷🏾♂️
Does it mean he will lie about everything else? You decide!!
I’d say you should still give him a chance when it comes to seeing him. It sounds like the one real thing you would discount him for would be his age. If he’s been the perfect guy otherwise, why not see where it heads? Don’t potentially miss out on being with someone who makes you happy because of a pretty small age gap, especially if this is the only lie he’s told. If it becomes a continuing trend, absolutely end things, but give things a shot before you decide to break it off
Oh thats a red flag for me. Also just shows he’s still pretty immature
I’ve had two guys lie about their age (both were older). Could never get over it. Honestly? Lying about something this important shows their character pretty clearly. To me it isn’t this “I knew you wouldn’t if I’d told you my real age”, which is extremely sleazy in and of itself. But it’s an excuse for dishonesty. Someone who can so easily lie about their age has no quarrels about lying about other things too.
It is what it is. Don’t let your attachment keep you there with him.
Even if it takes you two years (like it did me), in the end you’ll never forgive that. You’ll always have it in the back of your mind that he lied about this. You’ll always wonder.
It’s only a 3 year gap. Don’t know why age matters but do what makes you happy
You’re still consenting adults, but i would just lock and move on if I am honest. Doesn’t sound like you are both ready for this relationship
Acts so mature but then lies about his age. What else is he lying about? That’d be a deal breaker for me. You already know he’s willing to lie to you
This is strike one. If he lies again leave him
Everyone is talking about how he lied which I agree is something to keep in mind if you move forward, but there is also something to be said for him coming to you and coming clean of his own volition, as well as the way you describe his guilt ridden face when doing so. In my experience those are both a good indicator of a decent human being. Bad people rarely feel guilty until they’re caught and almost never confess before they are. Your age gap is not a big deal and will become even less so as you get older. If you like him, I would express to him that you like him and you are willing to move past this but lying is something you will not tolerate going forward so if there’s anything else he needs to tell you then now is the time. If you find him lying to you again, draw a hard line and exit with the relationship, but I do not feel like this is an absolute “no second chances” kinda situation whatsoever.
I would stop dating him on the basis of the lie. What else is he lying to you about?
I love younger men! Dated lots of guys 5 yrs younger and it never mattered. You and your guy are just way younger but in a few yrs the difference won’t matter at all.
Relax and keep going out with him and see if it’s OK or not.
If you had in your profile that you don’t date younger guys, that could explain it. But I mean… he won’t be a “teen” for much longer, just a 20 year old. It’s not that bad of an age gap. You can decide if the lie was a deal breaker, but he doenst sound like a bad dude.
If you waited a few years, this difference in age is marginal. Very marginal. When you’re in your late 20s (or even moreso in 30s) the difference of a handful of years isn’t a difference of levels of maturity. Personality and chemistry are the main things at that point.
That said, he obviously lied because he wanted a chance with you. That’s not the worst thing. That said, if lying is a pattern, then that’s a problem ofc.
Lmao! I thought he was gonna be a minor or like 30. Girl three years is nothing. It’s not like he’s a child. If you like him, chill out. Tell him you’re mad he lied and that that shit is not going to fly in the future, but I’d be willing to make this a one warning second chance kind of situation.
I think you’re making too big of a deal over something that’s not a big deal
rat ass girls who will never had successful relationships replying 😭😭 this shit is like cinema
Anyone who lies about their age is a 🏴🚩 Immediate no.
I don’t think there’s an issue dating younger guys, but age gaps are more important the younger you are. 25 and 20 vs 35 and 30 are the same gap but feel different. Your life changes quite a bit at younger ages.
I’d be hesitant about someone who lied from the start. Not sure how much of a difference it makes, but how did you guys meet?
A little surprised to hear everyone be so forgiving and open to the age gap. That’s almost senior in college with a freshman.
His justification for lying makes sense, but how much does that really matter? Most lies are because they think the lie will be better.
3-4 years is nothing. At least he feels guilty about lying to you and fessed up at the risk of losing you. Plus the other good qualities you mention. It’s hard enough to find the right one to be disqualifying over a number.
I tend to attract younger, embarrassingly younger. Even the “older” ones who approach are younger. WTH? I see the older in age gap couples being accused of “grooming” by strangers online who know nothing about them or who approached who. I hope your ideas about age are not being influenced by people online because frankly, most of these people seem to operate on assumptions and thrive on making up arbitrary rules so the people who break these rules can be attacked and shamed for entertainment. If you like him, he’s good to you and at least legal then give the poor guy a chance. Sheesh.
Dump him. Only 3 weeks into it and he’s already lied. He knew you had a boundary with age and he decided for you to not be honest and force you to date a younger guy. He took your choice away, hard pass. The red flags you choose to ignore are usually the ones that are why you breakup.