So hopefully this belongs here since it’s about friendship drama and not an intimate partner relationship. I just could really use some advice.
I (24F) got married last year and asked two of my close girlfriends (25F and 26F) to be bridesmaids. 26F couldn’t be a bridesmaid because the wedding was out of town and I completely understood. I was a lot closer with 25F, who said yes to being a bridesmaid. We hung out every day and talked constantly. We had been best friends since high school.
But after I got engaged, she started acting differently and avoiding me more. I tried not to make a thing of it but she ended up being a pretty flaky bridesmaid. She left my bridal shower early without saying bye (after spending the whole time talking about herself and acting jealous of all the gifts I got), then she said she had a family thing and couldn’t come to my bachelorette party even though I planned it months in advance. The whole time I was checking in with her to make sure she was okay, knowing that my wedding wasn’t gonna be the most important thing in the world to everyone, and she had her own life with her own stuff going on. She always said she was fine.
She ended up dropping out as a bridesmaid and said I was expecting too much of her. She didn’t come to the wedding and she didn’t even text me congratulations when I got married or anything. Then her mom posted about me on social media calling me a narcissist. And I promise I’m not leaving anything out. All I wanted was to have my best friend there for me during this huge moment in my life but she didn’t even seem happy for me at all and then she ended the friendship.
Now that you have that context, cut to today over a year later. 26F friend still hangs out with her all the time. When everything first went down, she said she was Switzerland, asked if there was any chance we’d make up, and when I said probably not, she respected that decision but still kept a friendship with her. Which is okay and she’s allowed to do. Last month I went through a really rough period of grief after a close friend died unexpectedly. She came over right after it happened and asked if there was anything she could do. I asked if she could help me with some work (we are both photographers) so I don’t fall behind, because I was having trouble even functioning and work was the last thing on my mind. She agreed and I even paid her.
She’s pregnant now with her first child and hadn’t told me yet. She could’ve told me right then when she came over, privately. Instead she had this big surprise planned which I completely understand. I am happy for her. But the surprise was during an exchange photoshoot that I was not really in the headspace for.
This was only 2 weeks after my friend died. I was still a mess. But she didn’t offer to cancel/reschedule the shoot (and now I understand why, it was for pregnancy announcement & gender reveal photos) and I didn’t want to flake on her so I went through with it. Then it was revealed during the shoot that she’s pregnant with a baby boy and I’m thrilled for her… but I feel like because she knew of my mental state at the time, she could’ve told me what she had planned. Maybe offer to book with another photographer. In the end, the photos of me and my husband were super rushed because most of the time spent at the studio was for her pregnancy pics. And then she hit me up afterwards asking for my half of the studio rental. My husband and I’s pics were only like 10 minutes whereas the ones I took of her and her husband were like 1.5 hours.
The whole thing just feels like she was using me for free photos.
Now my ex-best friend 25F is engaged. I found out through social media when I saw that 26F was their engagement photographer and she posted the photos. I literally just saw 26F 2 days ago and she didn’t think to give me a heads up about that? I mean am I wrong for feeling like she could’ve at least told me so I could be prepared? I’m not upset about my ex friend getting engaged. I don’t have ill will towards her or anything. I think the real sting is that they are both obviously still super close whereas I lost 25F as a friend because she couldn’t be there for me when I was getting married. But now 26F is her bestie and photographer, and she’s probably gonna photograph her wedding, or worse, be a bridesmaid for her. And that would just sting so much. Especially because 25F was my absolute best friend and now… this.
And 25F never had any closure/conflict resolution either. No apologies, no plan for moving forward. I just got blocked right away after she told me she wasn’t gonna be my bridesmaid anymore.
And for a little extra context before anyone thinks I was some kind of bridezilla… I paid for all the bridesmaids expenses including travel, dresses, everything. The only thing they had to pay for was lodging but they had a ton of advance, like over 6 months. And then I asked for their help planning the bridal shower. But that’s it. No outrageous demands, and as long as they communicated with me I was understanding about them missing stuff. I knew they had lives and jobs. Also, when she dropped out of the wedding I reimbursed her for what she paid for lodging.
I want to be mature about this. 26F has been a great friend to me and I don’t want to lose her from my life, but I could use some perspective. I feel hurt about how everything has been handled and I want to talk to her about it and not just avoid her. But I don’t even know what to say. I feel like I’m wrong to be upset by all of this. I’m also on my period so maybe I’m just extra emotional. Should I talk to 26F?
Thanks for reading and TIA for any advice.
TLDR: I lost my best friend during wedding drama, and now I feel hurt that my other close friend (who stayed neutral) is still tight with her, using me for photos and not giving me a heads-up about their closeness.