My (F23) boyfriend (M24) and I were in a long-distance relationship. My love languages are communication and quality time, but he usually only called once a week, it wasn’t something I was used to but I adjusted because I wanted it to work. I often felt insecure and wanted more consistent contact but I wanted to make him have his own space as well. I really considered how he felt and understood how busy he was.
During one call, I said something I regret: “I miss you a lot and wish we could talk more, but sometimes I feel distant, especially since we barely call and when I feel distant I feel like running away.” I didn’t truly mean I’d leave — I was just trying to express my needs, I’ve always felt this fight or flight in relationships but I know I worded it badly. He said it hurt him and I repeatedly apologized to him and said that I’ll just be more patient and understanding of his time. After we talked about it and he said he instantly felt so much better and we never brought it up again, but I said I’ll do better. I tried so hard to reassure him and I feel like I’m not good enough. This is the first time we encountered a problem in the relationship and I felt like after saying that I’m not worth staying with.
Three weeks later, he broke up with me. He said my comment felt manipulative and he couldn’t move past it. He also said he can’t give me what I want, he needs time to focus on himself and his faith, and that I deserve someone who can give me more.
It hurts and I keep beating myself up thinking I’m manipulative, but part of me also wonders if the breakup was inevitable because of our mismatch. From an outside perspective — was this on me, or was the relationship not sustainable regardless?
TL;DR: Long-distance relationship (F23, M24). I wanted more consistent communication, but he only called once a week. One night I told him I missed him and felt distant, and said it made me feel like “running away.” I apologized immediately, reassured him, and thought we moved past it. Three weeks later, he broke up with me, saying my comment felt manipulative and he couldn’t get over it. He also said he can’t give me what I want and needs to focus on himself. Now I’m blaming myself and wondering if it ended because of me or because we were just mismatched.