So I’ve gone out on dates with this guy now four times. He’s 31m and I am 27f. I don’t have an expectation of exclusivity, and was quite straightforward with him in the beginning about how I’m currently just seeing where things go and if he wants to also date others, I have no problem with it. He’s on the same page, no problem.
Then, last night, I didn’t want to go anywhere after work. I was so tired so I decided to have a chill night in. We had met earlier that day for a breakfast date before I taught my class, but we hadn’t anything scheduled for later that evening so I wasn’t bailing on him by any means.
However, I texted him around 8pm to ask if he wants to see again in a few days before I go on a work trip for about 2-3 weeks. He waits a few hours and texts back with a picture of him with his friends at a pub, playing chess. He said that „sorry for the delay, it was a busy night as I was playing again with friends, here are some vibes from tonight, I didn’t win but we had so much fun.“ All good. He wants to see on Sunday (tomorrow). I agreed.
However, I took a closer look at the picture and downloaded it since his haircut looked a little… off from what I saw earlier that day. Turns out that in fact, the picture was taken two months ago according to its details. I didn’t directly confront him, but I just said „oh cool, seems that you had fun! Did you get a haircut?“. He responded immediately and said „oh yeah, it was after when we met today. By the way, instead of Sunday can we do Tuesday evening?“
Now, if he was out with some other girl, I honestly don’t care. Even if he would have said „he’s meeting someone else“, that’s all good. To me, this just felt so strange. Why lie about something as trivial as this? Especially when I’ve told him I’m fine. Or he could’ve just said he didn’t do much if he didn’t want me to know. Sending an old picture to cover up something just doesn’t sit right with me. The crazy part? After our second date, he openly said that he had another date in the same day, and I told him to just have fun and enjoy. I wasn’t one bit offended or weirded out. So he has been honest about it before, just not now? It’s so weird.
I’m honestly a little turned off. I know it’s a small lie, but still a lie, and I’m considering just stepping away. It always starts with small lies and then snowballs into bigger ones.
6 comments
The fact that you have already made it clear you are okay with him dating others makes the lie even more pointless. That’s the concerning part.
Sometimes it’s not about the lie itself, it’s about what it reveals. He would rather manipulate the story than risk mild discomfort.
Honesty is the easiest part at the start of dating. If he can’t manage that now, what happens when things get serious?
You don’t need to wait for bigger lies to happen. If something feels off this early, it’s okay to walk away before investing more.
Just part ways! Such an odd thing to lie about. He could’ve just told the truth or even just responded saying if he wanted to meet up. Why throw in a lie? That’s fishy lol
I had a similar but smaller incident, a guy sent me the exact same photo of a pint a second time saying cheers from the pub, maybe about a week after the first photo It wasn’t a big deal at all, but I marked it and asked haha. Found it weird for him to be picking a random photo of a pint from his phone to send, and not a very good photo either (otherwise very similar circumstances, we were not even really dating, and I had no expectation or question of what he was doing).
Didn’t work out between us, but the issue was that his communication didn’t align with his actions. Maybe this would’ve been a micro-sign of that disconnect early on. There were bigger signs of course, in the end I already knew all our plans would be moved (he never stuck to plans). Just remembered this after reading your story and found it strange.