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So a guy I’ve been casually seeing since May dropped a bomb on me last night that he wanted more (like a relationship), but just one week ago we were talking about this stuff in a lighter manner and he joked like “I don’t ask you about your day and I don’t want to hear about it” and I happily responded that I don’t want to tell him about my day and we both laughed about it. I took that to mean we were both in agreement that this was casual and we were happy with it. But then last night he says he wants more. My immediate response was that we hardly know each other because we don’t talk about our personal lives much. I honestly don’t even know if he’ll bring it up again (he self describes as a horrible communicator and he truly is), but I don’t want things to get heavier between us.
Ladies- when the time comes to be intimate with someone you are dating- do you tend to go to the guy’s place or have them come to yours?
I have typically had the guy come to my place as the idea of being in a guy’s house where I could get “stuck” kind of freaks me out.
However, a few days ago, I had a guy I went out with 8 months ago SHOW UP UNANNOUNCED at my place. He said he lost my number and wanted to reconnect. I told him it was inappropriate and not to do it again and he said he understood and left. 😳
I have cameras but this still freaked me out!!!! Should I just be going to the guy’s place so they don’t know where I live (until I am more comfortable)?????
Exactly 6 months since our first date is TODAY!
I also almost took myself out last night by slipping on water in the bathroom and scared the shit out of him. Probably have a mild concussion. I think he wanted to take me to the ER.
Some observations
-Did not see him last weekend, I felt really secure and liked being able to sort of chill. Also wanted to jump his bones this weekend the moment I saw him.
-I feel more relaxed and sleep better at his house. I’ve been struggling with insomnia all week and just… relaxed here and fell asleep.
-I’ve never had the really intense butterflies and never had “spark”. I am really into him though and really, really want to be with him. I don’t feel like the “honeymoon” stage is anywhere near ending but it feels completely different than the “honeymoon” stage felt like with my ex? So is that even how I should describe it?
And on a more serious note…
I had a freak out last week because my father, molested me and was physically abusive, sent me a letter. I have been estranged from him since I was a teenager.
I told him about the freak out. I haven’t disclosed the molestation. He doesn’t ask invasive questions but I think I need to talk to him about some things like that.
I also have a history of chronic suicidal thoughts. They’re much better right now but I feel like that is something I need to disclose soon-ish. I told my ex early on because he owned guns and I can’t be around guns. He knows I see a therapist and take meds, he also sees a therapist.
Obviously not dropping both of those things at the same time.
Anyway. Just thoughts.
Interested in advice from men in late 30s
I (33F) have been seeing someone (39M) for 2.5 months. We’ve spent considerable time one-on-one and been intimate three times (first time after about 2.5 weeks into hanging out one on one; we’d known each other for a few months previously but just as acquaintances).
Long story short, been getting mixed signals. He’s acknowledged that at first he’d acted “guarded” bc he didn’t want to “cross any lines” or risk drama w someone he’d keep running into. Since then, he’s been increasingly sweet, especially in person. Biggest thing of all, he’s invited me to join his first vacation in a long time. However, I feel uneasy that sometimes 1-2 days go by without a text from him and I’m usually the one suggesting we meet up—though he’s never declined in all this time and always seeks to extend the hangouts, even if they don’t involve sex and even if that means he’ll get less sleep, which he really values. We can talk for hours.
It’s not an easy situation bc he knows I had plans of moving away, though I’ve been vague about it. But the truth is, if this had long-term potential, I would delay my move, bc my primary reason for leaving earlier than my visa expiration date was that nothing was keeping me here (relationship, great friends or a dream job) and I will need to leave in a year anyway. But a meaningful relationship w someone who’s casually mentioned they’d like to live where I’ll be moving to would be worth a shot; i.e. delaying my move.
Due to work/lease timelines, I need to make a decision regarding my moving date soon. However, I can tell he likes to take things slow (has kinda freaked out misinterpreting me in the past, thinking I was asking for big commitments way too soon, which wasn’t what I meant), and I don’t want to scare him/be misinterpreted again. I’d like to give him more time, but tbh, if this is just a fling, I’d go the easy route, not renew my lease and move by the end of the year (in that case though, what’s the point of spending 5 days on vacation together?)
So, do I bring up the “where do you see this going” discussion during the trip, or sooner or after? I must tell my job when I want to move right after the trip. Or is it already clear to late 30s men here that he’s not that into me? Thanks in advance.
My comment in the previous thread was about really wanting a lot of romance in a relationship got downvoted a bit. Now I’m scared that outright asking for romance or a romantic guy on OLD is cringe or something 🫣 Is it a bad look? Too old fashioned? I’ve only been in one serious relationship my entire life so idk what’s normal or not.