For context, I just had a second date with this amazing woman. We are both in our late 20s and looking for something long-term. We have a lot of physical chemistry; constantly holding hands, holding one another’s waist, kissing, etc. But it’s not lustful, if that makes sense (we’ve only been in public places). We hold a lot of similar worldviews and genuinely have a lot in common. Not hobbies, but it seems everything else we are often on the same page or at least on the same chapter. The night went wonderfully and we plan to see each other again next week

The ‘problem’ is, I asked what exactly she’s looking for and her exact words were, “I don’t even know.” Her profile said “life partner.” She went on to explain that she’s only had a couple of real relationships, and neither were good. One man was a bit controlling, and the other wasn’t emotionally available. Without saying it, I get the impression that she’s.. skeptical of me, because things are going so well. Almost as if I must be putting on a front, mostly because her past boyfriends seemed great at first then revealed their true selves.

The sucky part is, I’m not putting on a front. I mean, we all sort of wear a mask at first but I realized I started to let it slip already. I’m being honest about my past relationships. I’m honest about what I want currently. I’m telling her when I don’t like something, and when I do like something. I don’t feel like I have something to prove.. but a part of me does

So, has anyone dealt with similar sentiments? How did you handle it, and how did they? Cheers


3 comments

  1. Ask her if she’s worried about her negative experiences in previous relationships leaking into current ones.

    If she hasn’t thought about it then she may not recognize that she could very well introduce issues into something that would otherwise go smoothly.

  2. She didn’t say she was skeptical of you so try not to project that on her without more evidence that she feels that way. As a woman in my late twenties who also wants to meet my person- I try to shy away from convos such as “what are you looking for” in the same way because it sets a certain tone of expectations that may prevent the relationship from organically progressing to those points. For example, if I tell you I want a long term exclusive relationship – I have now placed an immense amount of pressure on someone I just met to meet my expectations. Wel both approach every date we have as “am I sure I wanna sign up for this long term” before your relationship has naturally reached a point for you to even be asking that.

    If she selected on her profile shes seeking a life partner- accept that for now as confirmation that its not a fling and allow your relationship a little more time to develop

  3. Right now I’m in pretty much the same emotional place as your Lady. After bad experiences (in my case, someone told me ‘I love you’, we planned to meet in another country, then they dropped ‘Sorry, found someone local’ just days later), it gets really hard to trust again.

    So this isn’t about you – it’s about her past. Be patient. Her heart got broken, and that takes time to heal. Sometimes years. Just show you’re different by being yourself. If there’s real connection, she’ll warm up to you eventually.

    My future man will have the same challenge – I won’t believe ‘I love you’ at first either. I’ll need to see actions first.

    Some men break women’s hearts, others heal them. And same goes for guys getting hurt too.

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